Cuba is a land of Communists who are also great dancers, like Barry Obama. Recently. the King President General of Cuba, Fidel Castro, admitted he has been dead for six months and seceded his throne to his brother Raul. Raul Castro is also old, so it won’t be long until Cuba needs a hot young leader. It’s like when the Pope died and they hired that other guy and now everyone’s just waiting for him to die so the Catholic religion can be cool again. Anyway, there’s this:

At the start of last Thursday’s Democratic debate, Barack Obama offered to meet with the Cuban leadership without preconditions—a break with the past that his rivals would do well to consider. Imagine that the next President of the United States declares that the embargo will continue until Cubans overthrow their current government. Now imagine that the next President offers non-intervention in Cuba’s internal affairs, significant financial assistance for hurricane disaster relief and health care, and helpful mediation in the difficult dialogue that is sure to come between the Florida exile community and the islanders.

Vote for Barry, because we are tired of Puerto Rico, and El Principe Presidente Obama will improve America’s vacations. [The New Yorker]

He’s an administration official you’ve probably never heard of.  He’s in charge of placating the religious nutjobs that think Bush will have them raptured up any day now.  And now, he joins the ranks of conservative copycats like Ann Coulter and Ben “Box Turtle” Domenech.  Nancy Nall:

I feel bad about what I’m going to do here.

I’ve had a lot of fun at Tim Goeglein’s expense over the last few months. Mean-spirited fun, certainly, but my problem with him has always been one of personal taste. In his columns for The News-Sentinel, my old newspaper, he personifies a certain sort of apple-cheeked Hoosier drippiness, which undoubtedly masks a core of white-hot ambition. I mean, he worked at the right hand of Karl Rove, and remains in the White House. But while he works in the West Wing, he chooses to write awful, turgid essays on the wonders of Hoagy Carmichael, deceased operatic composers and his parents’ marriage.

See Nancy.  See Nancy bust Timmy.  See Nancy bust Timmy after the jump.

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Oh, what did you think I was talking about, brown people? Ha, fuck you, no. I’m actually talking about the news that 1 in every 100 adult Americans is in prison. No, no shit, for real. Fully one percent of the population of this country is in fucking jail. Oh, and let’s not talk about if you are brown. One in every 26 Latino men is in jail, and one in EVERY FIFTEEN African-American men in this country in is in jail (sorry, RedManLaw, no stats for Native Americans but I’m sure it sucks for them, too). White girls like me have it slightly better, with only one in every 355 of us in jail, but, sorry, DickCheneysBlackSister, you’re a little too above-average- one in every 100 African-American women is incarcerated these days. Oh, and you know I got some thoughts about that shit, and not just because it’s after 2 am and I’ve been drinking.

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Jessica Simpson is a vacuous crab louse swimming in an infected boil bursting forth from America’s fetid taint. So it makes sense that she recently signed up to “support the troops” by subjecting them her terrible, breathy and off-key warbling during a fabulous concert in Kuwait called - I shit you not - Operation MySpace. Because our boys and girls overseas haven’t been terrorized enough by the phony twang of a fake Texan chimp, J.Simp will twist that knife a little more. Considering the other “acts” will be the Pussycat Dolls, Carlos Mencia, and some bands called Disturbed and Filter (the kids nowadays and their crazy band names!), perhaps this is a diabolical government plot to increase the suicide rate enough to help our country not go broke providing long term medical care to our service people.

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Earn your income in dollars? Us too! And here’s more bad news: Fed Chief Ben Bernanke, who apparently has the power to decide what money is worth, has indicated that he in order to save the economy, he must continue to steer the good ol’ greenback further down into the inky depths. If you have loads of money that you use to invest in things, this is good for you. For the rest of us, well, best not to plan a trip to Europe soon. And actually, we’d maybe better scratch Canada off that list as well, as we have surpassed them in terms of hilariously worthless currency. With still more to come, obviously.

Liberals are tempted to blame this state state affairs on President Bush, but that’s not really fair. The guy was in way over his head from day one, so blaming an entire economic catastrophe on him alone is being far too generous. Yes, we have a whole secession of president’s and policies to thank, and, of course, Mr. Alan Greenspan, who directed the Fed since Ronald Reagan wrote the constitution 500 years ago until just the other day. Here’s to complacency! Spend it while it’s still good, guys!

Stagflation? [FITSNews]
Fed Chief Plays Down Stagflation Risk [Reuters]

By all accounts, Ralph Nader is kind of an egotistical prick not given to self-introspection. He doesn’t give a shit that Al Gore lost the election in 2000 and he really doesn’t give a flying fuck if you blind liberals think that having a Democratic President is better than a Republican President because the only person that can really help this country is him. Obviously.

Nader did have one good idea, though. This morning, he announced that Newsom-challenger (in more ways than one) Matt Gonzalez would be his running mate. Matt’s kind of hot, n’est pas? At least he’ll be sort of pretty to look at in the 5 minutes of press coverage the campaign will get over the next 8 months as they are totally ignored by everyone in the country BECAUSE THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT NOW.

Oh, and I forgot. Ralphie? Go fuck yourself.

First the Dear Leader flies all the bin Ladens out of the country right after 9/11, and now this:

Newly-released records obtained through a Freedom of Information Act request contradict the 9/11 Commission’s report on the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks and raise fresh questions about the role of Saudi government officials in connection to the hijackers.  

…

“In the official version of the story now, the hijackers drift around L.A. listlessly for two weeks before chancing to come across [an employee of a Saudi defense contractor, Omar al] Bayoumi in a restaurant [according to Bayoumi's account],” Thompson added. “Whereupon he’s an incredible good Samaritan and takes them down to San Diego, pays their rent, etc.”

“But from the FBI’s timeline, we now know the hijackers started staying at Bayoumi’s place on Jan. 15 - the very same day they arrived,” Thompson says. “So obviously they must have been met at the airport and taken care of from their very first hours in the US. That’s huge because the FBI maintains to this day that the hijackers never had any accomplices in the US.”

More Bush administration hijinks after the jump.

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Perhaps, just maybe, this is it.

“We’ll see the effects of this pro-growth package,” Bush told reporters at a White House news conference. “I know there’s a lot of, here in Washington people are trying to — stimulus package two — and all that stuff. Why don’t we let stimulus package one, which seemed like a good idea at the time, have a chance to kick in?”

Bush: US is not headed into recession [AP]

No sooner had we dubbed the Barry-O crack-smoking, cock-sucking scandal Blowbama-gate did it come to a rather anti-clamactic conclusion. In case you don’t follow the cumings and goings over at WhiteHouse.com, allow me to bring you up to speed: Sinclar failed his two polygraph tests with flying colors. A score for truth-telling is +4 and above. Sinclair scored -17. He was essentially just balls out lying. That takes guts.

But after failing the tests, Sinclair went pretty much batshit, setting up another polygraph test in violation of his agreement with WhiteHouse owner Dan Parisi (prompting Dan to cancel the check he’d written Sinclair) and did an insane interview with Big Head DC. He also did another one with what’s his name at Rense.com. (We’re not linking.) You can listen to it here.

So, you know. Looks like nobody put Sinclair up to this after all. The guy’s just fucking crazy.

Rense Interview With Larry Sinclair
Sinclair.mp3

In the spirit of full disclosure and also by way of bragging about the fact that I’m actually employed, I’d like to again mention that Dan Parisi does pay me to write for him. Also, I would like to give props to my poor beleagured supervisor of sorts, Rob Braddock who gets called out in this interview like 5000 times by Sinclair for being a CIA operative or whatever, when all Rob ever did was pick the dude up from the airport. What is the moral of the story, people?

The Department of Homeland Security yesterday declared that America’s skies are terror free now that every first name and last name in all the nation’s White Pages appear on the Terror Watch List that controls who may board a commercial flight in the US. The Watch List broke 900,000 names this month, reducing to a statistical certainty the chances that anyone getting on a airplane will have some part of his or her name appearing on the Terror Watch List.

Only one person, apparently, is now free to fly unharassed, a mattress salesman from E. Lansing, Michigan name Fphermph Zyzzinztermphenianski. Read the rest of this entry »