Below is a big shiny gift that arrived in my inbox this morning. I would love to take credit for this one, but I:

a) Don’t read Japanese, b) like fellow Cynic BeRightBack way too much to not give him props and, oh yeah, c) I didn’t write it.

So after the jump, please welcome BeRightBack’s first post for Cynics’ Party. The kid has got talent, no? He is just as sparkly as Brad Pitt’s purple sequined dress.

First that damn ad, and now an unexpected Grammy win over erstwhile First Black President Bill Clinton: can Obama be any more of a rock star? The answer, it seems, is yes – as Tom Waits, David Hasselhoff, and Alyssa Milano can attest, you haven’t really arrived until you’ve achieved inexplicable, outsized popularity overseas. And as of last week, it appears our supple unicorn has leapt this rainbow as well. That’s right: Barack Obama is officially Big In Japan.

Now I know what you’re thinking: is this some kind of racist dick joke? Shockingly enough, no: Japanese news outlets last week have been abuzz with accounts of “Obama Fever” gripping the feisty archipelago, touched off by efforts in the small seaside town that shares his name. Under the auspices of a “Coalition For the Voluntary Support Of Barack Obama,” overstimulated Obama City leaders have been staying up all night doodling pictures of their namesake and drafting plans to revitalize the city’s tourist economy by essentially turning it into a Baracktastic version of Coney Island, with proposals to plaster his cartoon visage on souvenir sweet-bean cakes and locally-made lacquer chopsticks. Coalition chair and beachfront hotel owner Kiyoji Fujiwara has even proposed holding an event to draw Senator Hello Kitty’s adorable face in the sand near his property.

Barack himself has remained aloof in the face of the little city’s advances and so far has failed to respond even after being mailed a “letter of friendship” and some handcrafted chopsticks. But it wouldn’t do to count out the starry-eyed Japanese city’s attempts at rebranding yet: after all, this is the same country where the small, snowbound coal-mining town of Iwaki revitalized itself through sheer force of will by building a hula dance instruction center and artificial Hawaiian resort. Let Hello Kitty be your spirit animal, Barry; she sure beats fucking will.i.am.