The Department of Homeland Security is now scaring us with the image of female suicide bombers hiding their explosives in fake pregnant bellies. While this is a great idea for a sequel to Juno, it also scares me, even more than actual pregnant women do. There’s nothing worse than putting your hand on a pregnant woman’s belly to feel the baby kick, and getting exploded for your reverence in the face of life’s most miraculous miracle. Maybe we’ll start seeing male suicide bombers with similar prosthetics, faking beer bellies, humpbacks, and goiters. Actually, these prosthetics could lead to some hilarious opportunities for profiling. I can’t wait to see the lineups at the airport.