I’m gonna write to Nancy and ask her to take steroids-in-sports investigations Off.The.Table.

Wait — is that Emperor Palpatine under the toupee?

This is why there is an HFA. No more comment is necessary, roid-addled baseball assholery is finished as a topic. And now the house committee will be investigating the missing emails? The AG Gonzalez orchestrated vote suppression effort which used US attorneys to intimidate minority GOTV organizations by prosecuting them for voter fraud? The Plame affair? The response to Katrina? The forged yellowcake-Niger letter which appears to have been provided to Italian intelligence by someone connected to the PNACers? Hello? Anyone? How about the missing billions in cash in Iraq? Dick Cheneys continuing payments from Halibburton and his office’s direct intereference in awarding no-bid contracts? The State Departments last ditch efforts to save Enron by lobbying India, oh, and also by threatening the Taliban unless they allowed the construction of the natural gas pipeline across Afghanistan to supply Enron’s Indian electric power plant, the threats that triggered 9-11? Hello?

@Pedonator : I though it was Donald Trump without makeup.

@Jason: Reading the first paragraph, I thought this was a Flying Chainsaw post. Kudos, sir!
ESPN has suddenly morphed into C-SPAN and teh boyfriend is watching Congressional hearings for the first time in his life. Miracles abound.

Eleanor Holmes Norton was, as ever, awesome. (Why is it the only rep without her head up her ass isn’t allowed to vote? nevermind…) She asked Clemens why he kept the trainer on staff, if he was doing all these dreadful things, and doofus said, “I’m a very forgiving person.” She replied, “Well, I guess you’re going to heaven.”

“law firm of Toupee & The Jew” = by far the funniest thing I’ve heard today.

I thank you Roger. Thank you for pissing off fans where ever you went. Thank you for choking in the playoffs. Thank you for being an utter douche. Why? Simply because it makes moments like this sweeter.

I’m just happy that drafted Jay Pat Hentgen was the first Jay to win the Cy Young and not you.

Signed,
Not so bitter Jays fan Manchu

PS: Glad to see US America Congress House finding more important things like beseboll and not warantless wiretapping or DOJ firings.

hellowing to my pew prom….i hear you brother. i hear you.

Mr. Toupee has one stylin’ rug on that dome of his. Rawr.

@Cynica: Cos Eleanor is from DC, and as we all know, it’s populated by brown people, so of course, their opinion doesn’t count in American society. In fact, they’re lucky that the air force hasn’t bombed Anacostia into the next dimension.

Wow, a comparison to FCS AND praise from the Comic Curmudgeon? I feel so dizzy….*faints*

Who knew the little shitstarter had such prose inside him? Somebody pass him some smelling salts and a brandy.

@Cynica: Eleanor has a dry wit, she does. I love it when she goes on Colbert. She is my hero!

@promnight: I’m glad others are keeping detailed lists. Every time I try to sit down and iterate all of the various crimes, I get brain-freeze.

Can we expect a TCP Style Manual, because if so, the old Chicago manual is heading for the trash. On top of the section on how to describe shrunken members, I particularly look forward to the chapter on “How to spruce up your use of the word ‘fuck.’”

Testalying is the new normal.

The number of people who’ve actually told the truth before Congress in the last few years could fit in a phone booth. Not that they care.

Suddenly, Barry Bonds’ total contempt for the public and his decision to not even defend himself against the whole ‘roid business seems brilliant.

Cuz, you know, nothing brings out the attack-dog nature of our elected officials like a scandal in baseball.

Listened to much of it … absolutely sphincter-tightening.

Who knows? Knowing the bumblefucks in Congress, this may be how the stumble upon impeaching Shrub McChimpy when it comes out that he was in the Texas Rangers locker room shooting ‘roids in the asses of the players.
Going to war on false pretenses? Treason in revealing the identity of a CIA operative? Pshaw.
Lying to your wife and the judge about sticking cigars in an intern’s twat? IMPEACH. Shooting steroids in baseball players? IMPEACH.
Jefferson would be so proud of how his Constitution is (not) used.

@Blogenfreude: And we all know that everyone has been a little too loose in that department these days thanks to Messrs. W and Cheney. So thank you, Congress, for focusing on America’s real problems — steroids in sports.

@SFL: It’s just a piece of paper, get over it.

Sport. This is gonna so keep me awake at night. The whole purity of the Sport issue.

General, darling, roids make your balls shrivel, not your peen shrink. So I’ve been told.

@pedonator: and not even two-ply. useless.

@lyndon: true, but due to decreased testosterone production, erectile dysfunction is a side effect. and if he’s a grower and not a shower, that could be construed as shrinkage.

@pocket gay: or, the official term, which is called “toomuchpoochinthecoochinosis.”

Those are his attorneys? I thought they were Sotheby’s agents taking bids on his credibility.

Point of personal privilege … I am proud to announce that this twatwaffle is a graduate of the same high school I went to. And now that he’s being taken down, I move up the list of greatest Spring Woods High School graduates EVAR! hahahahaha. Suck it Roger.

Hey, Nancy, back off, you botoxed babichka bitch.
It’s baseball! Let em do all the fucking roids they want. Fans want home runs, not lectures in morality.
If major league sports is not a laboratory for research into body enhancing chemicals, then what other institution would fill that function? Huh?

Now, get your skinny, wrinkled shriveled up old ass back to work.

Hmmmm, now I am intrigued (I hate misusing the word but everyone else does). You can’t be Kimberly Tomes because she’s an Aggie, and too old. Hmmmm.

I should have known about Gagne. I should have fucking known. Especially after the injury — the muscles got too powerful for the tendons. Damn.

Wasn’t Toupee and the Jew an ABC situation comedy back in the ’70s?

Freebie and the Bean.

Chico and the Man.

Hey, that’s the Homofascist spirit I remember. Ever since you revealed your secret identity, a little Clark Kentishness had crept into your posting, dood. Much better.

Sports radio talkers had their jaws on the floor over how bad Roger did today. Maybe he should have forgotten how to speak English, like Sammy Sosa did in the steriod hearings..

@Jamie: Houston girl, eh? I think we might have played your school or competed at drama competitions.
@PromNight: Jamie can be a boys name. Shit, Jason was confused about my gender. Maybe Jamie is Chris Snyder.

SFL, Jamie Somers is the name of the Bionic Woman, so I figured that the name of the character gives little clue. It would be cool if we had a former Miss USA around, but you are right, the Jamie Somer identity does not mean anything. Jamie, please don’t worry, I am not stalking or trying to out you, it was just meant in fun.

Anyone hear Frank D Ford on NPR today? Govm’t should absolutely care about Pro Sports. They “affect” so many Americans. Frank, Dude. Sports rarely KILL you. No health care, war, antagonizing crazy religious fanatics, …poverty….stupidity…corruption….those will kill you. Sports? Don’t think so. Get Real.

NPR? You mean National Petroleum Radio (”this show is underwritten by Chevron, etc”)? Sorry, it’s KPFA, KCSM, or nothin’ for me. I do sometimes miss Terry Gross, though. Is she still on?

Ewalda: Yes Terry is still on. You can get the podcasts avoid the oil slick.

@Ewalda - I no longer listen to NPR since they started the Big Suck Up to Bush and conservatives in general. Frank Deford sucks. So does Rick Rilley for that matter and I’m glad he’s gone from Sports Illustrated.

The SI swimsuit issue came in the mail today, by the way. It took half an hour for the mailman to clean out his bag.

@redman: Have to admit I still listen to NPR (and even, every other year or so, donate to the local outlet). It’s the only thing on radio I can bear listening to on my way to work, my commute is not long enough to bother fiddling with the iPod most times.

But, Daniel Schorr: I understand he was once a Respected Journalist, but every fair-balanced, carefully measured sophomore-essay-like commentary I hear from him just makes me wish his oft-self-promoted place on the Nixon blacklist actually had consequences. Daniel, retire already!

Also, the voice of Michele Norris is enough to almost make me turn straight.

Actual exchange from today’s hearings:
Congressperson: “Have you ever been a vegan?”
(LONG SILENCE)
Clemens: “I don’t know what that is. I’m sorry.”

Roger Clemens, you are an ignorant slut! A vegan is a person who was unfortunate enough to have been born in Vegalandia, and their cultural norms require them to abstain from all animal products, oxymoronic toxoplasmosic plastics, and pubic-hair-shaving rituals.

Duh!

I stopped listening to NPR when that trademark voice style, the smooth crooning murmured “I’m so cooly intellectual” smug-tastic NPR drone, combined with Terry Gross’ insufferable cambridge stutter, made me want to drive to wherever the fuck they were and tear their fucking throats out. Fresh Air and the peanuts piano music and today we are going to examine the impact of feminist military studies on the Swiss milita organizational hierarchy. Good times! Somebody get me a pickaxe!

@promnight: Whoah, obviously things have deteriorated even more at NPR since I last listened in the mid-90’s.
Fuck ‘em.
Viva la Revolucion, bitches!