Romney tickles McCain’s pudgy little armpit

The New York Times, which is a newspaper I read because I’m smarter than everyone else, has an opinion piece about John McCain’s emergence as the new, older, uglier, Mitt Romney. Thank God, I missed that loveable Mormon scalleywag.

Gail Collins argues that this new hybrid, which I call McMitt Johnmey, reflects a change in McCain from his anti-torture, anti-tax cut, straight-talking stances to those of actual Republicans. I think this is a good thing. Since when have we allowed terms like “noble”, “integrity”, “hero”, and “finance reform” in politics, anyway? The last person to embody any one of these words (guess which one! hint: it’s not integrity) was John Kerry, and we saw what happened to him.

Well, now McCain and Romney are best friends, as evidenced by the fact that they once, “said hi to each others’ wives,” which is apparently one step away from shared vacations, hot-tubbing, and wife swapping.

Anyway, Collins reports that McCain voted against veterans, the elderly, and the unemployed with the democratic economic stimulus package on Feb. 6th, and in support of torture by failing to back an anti-waterboarding bill on Feb 13th. So, not only is he friends with Romney, he is also a dishonest, duplicitous, pandering weasel with no allegiance to anyone. He is just like Mitt Romney and everyone else in Washington, except he also has a black baby.

Next week, we’ll find out that the “hope” that Barack Obama keeps talking about is his hope that you’ll buy his spiel long enough to elect him.

The Mittification of McCain [The New York Times]