Jessica Simpson is a vacuous crab louse swimming in an infected boil bursting forth from America’s fetid taint. So it makes sense that she recently signed up to “support the troops” by subjecting them her terrible, breathy and off-key warbling during a fabulous concert in Kuwait called - I shit you not - Operation MySpace. Because our boys and girls overseas haven’t been terrorized enough by the phony twang of a fake Texan chimp, J.Simp will twist that knife a little more. Considering the other “acts” will be the Pussycat Dolls, Carlos Mencia, and some bands called Disturbed and Filter (the kids nowadays and their crazy band names!), perhaps this is a diabolical government plot to increase the suicide rate enough to help our country not go broke providing long term medical care to our service people.

The Dumb Orange One may have also come up with Quote of the Week II when she released a statement reading “Through Operation MySpace, I get to serve my country by doing what I love to do in front of thousands of brave men in uniform. It’s every girl’s dream!”

Honey, here is the thing. The brave men in uniform only care about your enormous fake titties. You would do more for troop morale by simply standing in a receiving line and letting every soldier take a turn at one of your collagen enhanced, used-up orifices until he was completely satisfied (it would certainly be a part of any USO show I would take part in!).

Jessica, Pussycats Join Troop Troupe [E! News]