But where does Obama stand on the crucial flipfucking issue?

Yea, nay, or ride’em cowboy hoo-ray?

We’re awaiting your response, Senator. Tick freakin’ tock.

No no no! I want Obama to me my President. Mine Mine Mine!

But I’d nominate Bobby Cannavale — he’s half Cuban American, and how hot would a Barry-Bobby summit be?

Now I’m old enough to remember ping-pong diplomacy with China, but Dancing-with-The-Stars diplomacy with Cuba? Are we a world superpower in dancing? Will Emmitt Smith and Marie Osmond be our top-notch diplomats? Wouldn’t a Food Network cookoff to see who reigns supreme be better? Gay guyz, I leave this one to you. Sheesh, dancing diplomacy….

As soon as Unicorn lifts the cigar embargo, the Right will cave.

@ragingmonk: and today’s secret ingredient is….rum!

@monk: I don’t watch Dancing with the Stars or even dance myself, but I bet my boy Bobby could compete!

…or, what’s this I hear about Jason in some kind of dance competition? Need more facts, but maybe he should be the nominee.

…or, if it’s to be a Food Network cookoff, promnight could probably kick anyone’s ass, so he might make a good next Presidente de Cuba. I hear he’s also a very…diplomatic guy.

@Nojo: As will Bill Clinton. So many interns’ twats, so few quality cigars…

Well, there goes any hopes of Florida going blue in ‘08, gracias a Calle Ocho.

In other news, I wanna visit Cuba and North Korea, just out of spite against anti-commies. I don’t like communism, but I love pissing off those who hate it so much their eyes are close to explosion.

@ rptrcub,

Well, when you think about it, we got a lot of the Cuban right-wingers, their Michael Savages (Weiners), Ann Coulters and Bill Bennetts, and so on, so wishing to piss off those kinds of people is a quite logical reaction; I’ll go on record stating that I personally can’t abide people who don’t fully support and encourage flipfucking.

You can easily get to Cuba by flying through Mexico City, jus’ politely ask them not to stamp your passport or TSA will remove your fingernails on the way back.

@Pedonator, SFL: Oh good, it’s come up again, I need the dirt as I’m a Chicagoian too. Is this Jason’s thing?: http://chicago.metromix.com/theater/dance_event/urban-bush-women-and-south-loop/292755/content

Granted, I think it’s a stretch for HF to be either a Senegalese man or an “urban bush woman” but I wouldn’t put it past him.

Call off the dogs! I found his event!: http://chicago.metromix.com/events/community_event/mayor-daley-impersonation-contest-little-italy-university-village/319629/content

@nojo - and so would I … you need not wonder why .. eye, you need not wonder why.

@flippin: Are you saying it’s more likely that Jason blows a mean bagpipe than that he’s a closeted urban bush woman?

Oh. Well, perhaps more likely, but I still don’t think we’ve got it.

Jason, do spill because if you don’t we’ll all have to keep guessing!

@Blogenfreude: Wonderful Guess Who reference … or should we accuse you of plagiarism?

Jason, I’ll also need to know where to get tickets, of course. Don’t worry I won’t embarrass you, just paint my face or bring a giant foam finger or something…

@DaveH - amazing that anyone knows who the Guess Who are after “The Who” …
Suddenly I recall the Mustang II and a girl called Annette. The details are misty ….

@blog: Harry Shearer’s old radio troupe (wayyyyyyy back) has a concert line-up sketch that starts “The Who’s on first, Guess Who’s on second…”

@Flippin, Ped: Christ, you’re not even close. I thought you ghey boyz knew how to use The Googles.

@SFL: we only know how to use it to find porn.

@Pedonator: ” …or, if it’s to be a Food Network cookoff, promnight could probably kick anyone’s ass, so he might make a good next Presidente de Cuba. I hear he’s also a very…diplomatic guy.”

Ped, this makes sense. Let’s put together a Draft Promnight for Cuban Presidente. We need to be sure of what we’ll need to do when the Castros are, um, called to take the Long Walk Back Over the Mountains. The Cubans will love having for the new Presidente an old, lusty, windy attorney imposing his vision over them..oh, wait, that’s what they’ve had the past fifty years!

Boob-ahs for Cubas! How about it, promnight?

@PocketGay: How do you know that Homofascist’s dance performances aren’t pornographic?

@pocket gay: So true. Once in a while I use technology for more productive purposes, but mostly, porn. Well actually, mostly these days for the CP. If some Party member can tell me how to channel these powers for the better of cynickind, I’m open to suggestions.

@monk: Did you pick up that I’m jockeying for a position in prom’s cabinet as the new Secretary of Homosexual Rehabilitation Camp? With the help of fellow Cynic fags, fag-hags and sympathetic hets, we could make that camp a designer-chic workers’ paradise.

@SFL: okay, now you’ve got me motivated (yelling “look, porn!” is the most efficient way to get a gay man’s attention).

@pedonator: oooo, can i be under-secretary for like, interior design and lighting? or maybe cocktails and dinner parties? or maybe just be under mister secretary?

@SFL: What do you think, Lefty? Draft Promnight for Cuban Presidente? Old, Loud, and Ready from Day 1. Given to long speeches, fine women and excellent cigaros, a world-class chef given to long buffets and food decks. Supported by a council of advisors (um, us) for every arena of Cuban life. The counter revolution would consist of a few dozen 50s and 60s American car and some old men playing Cubano-jazz at the Beverly Hllls Jazz Club.

Cone on, Lefty! Let’s do something for our beloved Cuban privileges and our beloved future Cuban presidente! Boob-os for Cubanos.

@Pedonator: Camp Awesome! Can it be in Cuba? It’ll be all mojitos and pan con lechon and beachfront cabanas?

@Pedontor: “Secretary of Homosexual Rehabilitation Camp?” Sounds good. And as to pocket gay: I give him to you, Ped: Use him as you will, but be good to him. Now I must go. It is an endless giving of work to create the new Cynics’ Paradise. Now I must go examine the Women’s Brigades as they change into the pajamas for bedtime, say their prayers and make a mental list of the most attractive of them.

ORGANIZE!

@pocket gay: Darlin’, you can have any position you want. And under mister secretary is a good start, but depending, I may have to fight you for bottom.

@monk: Don’t forget Tube-os and Pube-os for Cubanos. Prom needs to step up, be a Man, and accept his rightful place at the top of the pyramid scheme. I give him 48 hours to vacate Baghdad-on-New-Jersey and take what’s rightfully his before I nominate…SFL?

SFL? Would you be interested in running a Caribbean island full of smokin-hot salsa-dancers, that already learned to deal with peak oil by planting urban gardens in the early ’90’s?

@drinkyclown: Love teh mojitos, but unfortunately most places don’t stock fresh mint and try to pawn off creme-de-menthe as a substitute, which is just unacceptable.

@pedonator

Tommmcatt Redux: Ubersecretary of Assfucking

@Tommmcatt: Love the term Ubersecretary, you’re nominated on that alone. Also I hear Cuba has great health-care coverage. They fuckin’ export their doctors!

@Pedonator: Gross! Totally unacceptable. I’ve personally never been much for rum, although Stroh is tasty and um, effective. I likey the single malts and stout beers for everyday drinkings. Mint grows like a weed anyway, how hard can it be to find?

@pedonator: i’ve always found that if vigorous debate and discourse don’t produce a solution, a nice wrestling match will.

also, i’ve never, ever found an appropriate use for creme de menthe (other than in baking).

@Monk, Pedonator: I’ve already been to Cuba, thank you very much, or should I say, muchas gracias, I don’t need to be the dictator-for-life of that fine land. And when I was there, I insisted on the Cubans stamping my passport because I was hoping to get into trouble with ICE and be the named plaintiff in an ACLU lawsuit. Unfortunately, I was in Cuba legally, so ICE didn’t give a shit, but how much do I love to show off that Cuba stamp to anyone nearby when I’m carrying my passport? Answer: A lot. BTW, this is akin to when I got my civil libertarian panties in a wad and wrote the FBI under the Freedom of Information Act requesting their file on me, and was crushed and devastated to get the response 8 months later telling me that they had no file on me - but now they did.

But I second your nomination of Prom Night to be the presidente of Cuba. Then the Ark wouldn’t have to pay docking fees to tie up at the harbour.

@PocketGay: Did you find Jason’s dance recital yet?

@drinkyclown:

Not sure about Stroh, it’s been awhile since I’ve been picky about beer (been in a rut of wine and vodka for years now). Then, I was always into the more earthy brews, the ones that had a hint of sweaty armpit delicately blended with tones of ballsac dripping among the hops. Several NoCal breweries seemed to supply the demand at the time. But I can’t claim to be a connoisseur.

I have “wild” mint growing up through the fence between my townhouse and the place next door, so yeah, it shouldn’t be so hard to come by. I want to find a neo-dive bar in my neighborhood, walking distance, with good music on the jukebox and fresh mint for mojitos.

@SFL: tap? who’da thunk…

@SFL: I love you. When I spent a year in Mexico, taking a trip to Cuba was just one of my many unrealized dreams. Is there any chance you are one of those BEAUTIFUL SEXY LAWYERS that went down to check out and/or represent the torture victims of Gitmo? Regardless, if you were there legally I’m sure your mission was good. And worth the bragging rights for the Cuba stamp in your passport!

Um, something’s going on yeah
Is Greg warping space-time now?
Feels like some kinda Farscape interlude…

Why can’t the rest of my miserable little existence be like this? Sometimes I want to just waste away like the people in the film “Avalon”.
All hail Mamoru Oshii and Kenji Kawai.

You folks can have your government jobs. I’ll be on my Havana hotel balcony, sharing slices of cake with my business associates.

@ Pocketgay: Creme de menthe goes in Stingers, and stingers are gods gift to the decadent. The best first drink of the day, the best last drink of the day, the best drink with your cigar, stingahs are an education. There are elements of the drinking habits of the Brit colonial period well worth imitating, and stingahs are one of them. The best single moment of my life, excepting orgasms, was the night I wound up floating naked in the Barnegat bay on 4th of July at midnight, with a stinger in one hand and a genuine Cohiba in the other.

I accept your nomination for ruler of Cuba (does it have to be president?) My platform is to institute a unform policy of benign neglect. And Stingers.

@promnight: My platform is to institute a unform policy of benign neglect.

This is the best platform e’er. Could only wish the other candidates would adopt a similarly pragmatic disposition.

After much thought, I have determined that my campaign slogan shall be “If its not worth doing, its not worth doing right.”

So my theory is less government is better. But I’m not a Paultard!

The only function I believe government is good for is to protect One from the Other. As in, I didn’t sign up for having all these chemicals in my body that I didn’t know about. I’m fine with the alcohol, tobacco, etc. But what about the phlathlathlathlates? Or whatever the fuck they are, not to mention all the crap stuffed into my soil, air and water, and, uh, food?

Can I sue or form a class action suit contesting the rights of the Corporations to pollute my body with things I don’t choose to ingest? No? Didn’t think so. So where are my fierce individualistic rights as a god-dam American to have inviolate rights to my own body? (Uh, in the light of the Drug War, I guess that’s moot.)

If corporations are people in the eye of the law, can I sue them for socking me in the eye, like they gassed me with the kind of stuff Saddam did to the Kurds? But just on a kinda slower timescale?

I’m talking to all the lawyers here on CP. Is there a legit basis for suing everyone for the total environmental destruction that infringes upon my right to life? Or even some recourse re: the DDT and Splenda that has accumulated in my tissues through no fault of my own?

Some say the big oil companies are gonna haveta pay one day for global warming, because the re-insureres are gonna call them on it. But what’s in it for the little guy, like me? Will I get to keep my overpriced energy-inefficient townhouse because of that?

And most importantly, will high definition cable tv still be available? ‘Cuz I totally invested in it, and it’s really cool when you see the movies on dvd like that.

As a lawyer, I will answer. Umm, I dunno, maybe, sorta. Not likely. Calm down. Other than drastically reduced sperm counts, the chemical rich environment we live in doesn’t seem to have lowered life expectancy. The chemicals in question all have some utility that probably lowers mortality in one way or another, while simultaneously adding some increased long term risk in return The overall effect seems to have been to level out mortality, more people live to old age, even if their eventual demise may be influenced by the same chemicals that may have helped them reach that old age at which the chemicals killed them. Know what I mean, Herb? Like, even if vaccinations may kill thousands, or give autism to millions, which is far from proven, it beats having to have ten kids so 2 will reach adulthood.

@promnight:

OK, I get most of what you say. Other than drastically reduced sperm counts…well, I don’t care as long as I can still achieve orgasm.

But I do contest the suggestion that the chemical rich environment we live in both reduces and at the same time increases life expectancy. We only have about 50-100 years of this to base any conclusions upon. Compared to the thousands of years of humans eating real food and living in a …um…chemical deficient environment.

Of course everything is chemical, physical, etc. But do you ever wonder about the effects of the damned volume of chemical / articficial stuff we put into the environment every day, and that it increases seemingly exponentially every year?

What about the plastic crap, the nurdles, that end up in their minimally reduced forms in the oceans, blocking plankton from photosynthesis?

We live longer largely because of horrific medical procedures (which, you can be sure, I will take advantage of if I can). And generally better nutrition, etc.

But to say that all the toxic crap the corporatocracy has spewed into the biosphere is a benefit is, at the least, stretching.

And I am drunk, and I like you prom, so please be gentle.

Okay, a summation so far. Promnight accepts the nomination of The Cynics’ Party for presidente of Cuba: “I accept your nomination for ruler of Cuba (does it have to be president?) My platform is to institute a uniform policy of benign neglect. And Stingers.” The island is used to such a policy and little native response is necessary. And due the possible litigation in a time of revolution and enviromental crisis, Our Leader will need to address or designate these issues to such judicial courts and juries as he sees fit to keep the party going.

How says the Party, Aye or No?

@monk: Platform fight!

Actually, I can’t think of anything to fight over. But for once in my life, I’d like the opportunity to smash my shot glass in a fit of self-righteousness.

Wait, can someone explain to me whether or not I am a sucker because I think that we don’t need to help Cuba with healthcare becasue of those scenes in Sicko?

@ped: thanks to the Clean Air Act and the EPA, both originating in the Tricky Dick era, those oil refineries spewing crap into the air that you breathe have government permits to do so. Same with the Clean Water Act etc. Some people think it’s amazing that the Trickster signed those laws. I think he was smart enough to see the hidden consequence of helping business pollute without fear of nuisance suits etc. And don’t get me started about why highly polluting facilities tend to be located where Whitey doesn’t live.

@Ped: So where are my fierce individualistic rights as a god-dam American to have inviolate rights to my own body?

Well, if you were a woman, they’d be hanging by one vote on SCOTUS.
And if you really want to get upset about the way the military-industrial complex is poisoning your body, read The Omnivore’s Dilemma. Corn-fed obesity for all!

@Cynica: “Hanging by one vote on SCOTUS” would sound kinda durty if it weren’t so true. And I do read everything by Michael Pollan I can get my hands on. We are indeed Children of the Corn. Good call.

@ pedo: Have you seen Romance and Cigarettes yet? Well, even if you have, here’s a package for you from Bobby.

@nojo: We look forward to doing business with you, Senor Corleone. We respected your father very much. Let us know however we can help.

@nojo: Party Secretary Monk issues permission to you to one glass-smashing without retribution at the pub of your choice.

@The Divine Miss E.: The Party believes you are correct, darling, and no assistance will be needed from the party to the Cuban HealthCare sector, Of course, anything we can grease from the US and the EU will be gladly received. We may even be able to skim what we need to launch a certain Ark as a good-will contribution from the Cuban people to the world. Cheaper than sending Cuban soldiers to Angola.

hey sanfran,
every american i know on this island has been to cuba, it’s about a 30 minute plane ride and i hear they won’t stamp an american passport if you ask.i haven’t been yet, though i’ve heard the cars from the 50’s and 60’s are the most fun attraction. true?
and do you really look like sarah silverman? i so love her. she makes lisa lampanelli look shy.
sarah–”my boyfriend is catholic (jimmy kimmel) and i’m jewish. i know just what to tell our children: mommy is one of god’s chosen people, and daddy believes in magic invisible people who live on clouds”
sarah–” i was licking whipped cream off my boyfriends dick the other day, and i had one of those moments that happens to us all. i thought, oh my god, i’m turning into my mother”.

Baked, I love Sarah. Have you seen her show? I was trying to tell someone about her just yesterday, and the only way I could convey a sense of the depths of her depravity was to describe the plot of the show in which she licks her dog’s balls and is arrested for molesting an animal.

have i seen her show? you must be joking.

the episode where she is arrested for licking her dogs balls? epic hilarity.

more sarah: (from the friars roast of hugh hefner)
“let’s talk about the playboy bunnies. they should be role models for girls because they wax their assholes. i don’t have the guts to do that. but i do have it washed and styled.”

@Ped: Is there any chance you are one of those BEAUTIFUL SEXY LAWYERS that went down to check out and/or represent the torture victims of Gitmo?
No. I wish I were many of those things, but the answer is no. You can go there on a humanitarian or educational license.
@Baked:
Re: Cuba. The old cars are very cool. The architecture in all of its peeling glory is amazing. The anti-American graffiti is entertaining to read. The Cubans are quite interesting to talk to, especially in private. I found the average Cuban much better (and accurately) informed about what’s going on in the US than the average American. I highly recommend going, if nothing else to see what a foreign country looks like without Americanization (i.e. no KFC or McDonald’s or other US “development”). You can’t use US-bank credit or debit cards which sucks. Take lots of cash - though they now prefer Euros. It’s a little surreal because you’re only about 80 miles from Miami so you can watch Miami television.
Re: Sarah S. I have a love/hate thing about Sarah. The voice gets on my nerves but I know it’s part of the schtick. The resemblance is vague - I’m not as cute and my boobs aren’t as big as hers.

@BRB: Thank you, a nice package is always a welcome surprise.

@SFL: Kudos for going, whatever the mission was.

@JASON: Happy Tardy Gras!

(my new googling technique is unstoppable!)

SanFranLefty, you look like Sarah Silverman? You shouldn’ta oughta told me that. Now I will have to stalk you. I think she is Hawt.

In addition to an arms cache, I could supply the Ark with the following: full drum set, conga drum, bongos, timbales, shakers, claves, and cds of guys with puffy sleeves. I love latin music because you need at least three percussionists to do it right.

Redmanlaw, just what the doctor ordered, I am not sure if you saw it, but weeks ago, I specifically called for nightly drum circles. Now, this is touchy, I don’t want to transgress any religious taboos, but there is the matter of peyote; would it be sacriligious to make use of this substance for frivolous purposes, and do you know where we could get some?

@prom - like wine, peyote becomes a sacrament when used in the religious context under the guidance of a properly ordained individual IMHO. If you knew what to look for, you can find it in its native range from Tejas to California. If you use it to party down, who am I to say it’s wrong? Stripped of its religious connotations, it would be like mushrooms (which is to say, I guess, that you really cannot strip natural psychedelics of their inherent mystical nature). Clap one hand and say yeah.

Little RML grew up on the rez across the dirt road from one of the noted peyote roadmen of the latter 20th century. Many’s the night I fell asleep to the steady high pitched yet deep beat of the peyote drum: “doondoondoondoondoondoondoondoonn”.

My gramps tried out the Peyote Road as a young man in the 1920s but decided it wasn’t for him and then devoted himself to our tribe’s traditional religion, according to my dad.

Time for a brandy and cigar outside and then watch the end of Repo Man on the dish. “Let’s go do some crime - like get shushi and no pay!”
____

“No commies?”

“Yeah. No Christians, either.”

Redmanlaw, you sound like someone I would like to know, or I should say, be honored to know.

This is quite a collection of people here. But so far as I can tell, noone who is bad, noone who is stupid. And thats very very rare in any gathering of people.

@ prom: thanks, ese.

I’m just some fuckin dude.

Time for Lateralus and Right in Two by tool.

___

Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.

***

I embrace my desire to
feel the rhythm, to feel connected
enough to step aside and weep like a widow
to feel inspired, to fathom the power,
to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral
of our divinity and still be a human.

***

Bad ass guitar playing, too, prom. You can find concert videos on youtube if you don’t want to buy the cds.

@ prom: thanks, ese. My life changed the day I decided not to deal with stupid people.

I’m just some fuckin dude.

Time for Lateralus and Right in Two by tool.

___

Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.

***

I embrace my desire to
feel the rhythm, to feel connected
enough to step aside and weep like a widow
to feel inspired, to fathom the power,
to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral
of our divinity and still be a human.

***

Bad ass guitar playing, too, prom. You can find concert videos on youtube if you don’t want to buy the cds.

@RML, @Promnight: I haven’t tried peyote, but my understanding is the hallucinations are accompanied by very unpleasant gastric and respiratory side effects- not for the meek. Tripping balls as an adult, on psilocybin mushrooms, is an experience I wouldn’t care to repeat. When you’re older you tend to want to hold your ground a little more, and if you fight that stuff, it really punishes you. I just remember trying to close my eyes to get rid of the images, and being subjected to more intense tripping as a result. Think of neon hybrids of Aztec temples fused with art deco skyscrapers pulsing and whirring to the sound your blood makes flowing through your ears.
Wouldn’t mind trying ecstasy, though.

@cooz - sounds like a Huichol tapestry we have on the living room wall that has rainbows, an electric quarter moon with a face, rabbits and deer, a cornfield laced with red energy bolts and some short buildings or temples. They take mescal and press bits of colored string onto an adhesive-covered cloth or board to capture the visions, so it literally is way trippy.

Have not tripped since college, just get a little hit of weed now and again. Knee surgery a few years ago was almost worth it for the painkillers. Mrs RML is wayyyyy not into drugs, so I had to get in touch with my inner wino instead.

@RML: My wife did the mushrooms the same time I did. She became this maniacally laughing feral creature of the woods with a 9.3 second hundred yard dash. She had a great time. The other people who were with us were tormented by the noise in the countryside- cicadas, crickets, cows. One woman went through some acute depersonalization and just started yelling “SHUT UP!…SHUT UP!” on and on.
She was not fun.

@coozledad: if you fight that stuff, it really punishes you

Hear, hear. My first trip in a nutshell. (Or a fetal position, more to the point.) The subsequent handful brought out a Matrix-like ability to bend existence to my will, for which I apologize. Few recall that Northern-hemisphere drains used to spin counter-clockwise.