I didn’t think that there was such a thing as the Brown Note. After I watched this, I felt a sudden urge to take a shit.

Nadir. Isn’t it more appropriate?

OK I just have to say Patti has always been a goddess to me.

And I am one of those fucktards who voted for Nader in ‘00. Yes he is an egomaniacal bastard, but his policy positions tend to be way more honest than anyone else on the national stage, Sacred Unicorn most definitely included. He appeals to my schizophrenic libertarian/socialist/anarchist personality.

Basic tenet of which is, if we’re gonna have a government, it should strive to create a humane society and not protect vested oligarchic interests above the rest of us. I dare you to declare that Unicorn, much less Hillbot or Senator McCrappypants, would do or even say anything to fundamentally change that.

I’ll be pulling for Barry, but I have no illusions that he’ll swoop in on a black charger to save my house from foreclosure when I lose my job and get cancer and have no health insurance.

We all hate on Ralph for disturbing the natural balance between our oligarchical Democratic and Republican parties, and of course we all know he has no chance of winning and so will only serve to siphon off votes from whatever party we feel is less evil at the moment.

I am not a Nader supporter this time around, but c’mon people, if every possible third-party candidate that gets some press attention only attracts our derision, when will we ever break out of this false dualism that only serves the oligarchy?

I understand the realpolitik concerns, and at this point I’m ready to go along with them, hold my nose, and vote for the Unicorn (or even, shudder, the Hillbot if necessary, not that our votes count, as baked has pointed out).

But please tell me, if now is not the time for a third party, when the fuck will it be? What exactly will it take?

Ralph Nader has probably been a much more effective force for good than any of the other political candidates (taking into account his long career). And yet we vilify him. I mean, I love the aesthetic appeal of the Corvair as much as anyone, but really, the fucking cars have to go, pretty much all of them. And they will, very soon, whether we like it or not.

And yes, I drive a car to work every day. Waiting for the hate here.

Patti Smith is the fucking key to this entire mystery: the monstrous, relentless intrusion of Nader at every turn to destroy whatever changes the Democrats have of electing and maintaining a sane and reasonable non-militarist government.

Smith, you may remember, is a long-time artistic collaborator with the Blue Oyster Cult, a group of extra-terrestrials posing as a heavy metal rock band that plays music about the intrusion of aliens into human history, putatively attempting to redeem the race by introducing it evil and challenging it to transcend it.

Sometime, in the distant past, Smith mated with the alien masquerading as the BOC keyboard player Allan Lanier and spawned Ralph Nader. Nader, in turn, disrupts presidential elections and assured monstrously evil Republican administrations are installed which wreak all manner of horror and perfidy upon the world.

It’s all perfectly clear now.

@FCS: …whatever changes the Democrats have of electing and maintaining a sane and reasonable non-militarist government…

Um, yeah, that’s perfectly clear now. The Democrats will save us…don’t fear the Reaper!

Even after (admittedly minimal) googling, I’m not sure we’re talking about the same Patti Smith. But if she did collaborate with BOC, I’m sure it is to our ultimate benefit as a lowly human species yearning for enlightenment.

It is the same Patti Smith and Nader is the spawn of extraterrestrials bent on driving humanity to the brink of apocalypse - or worse - at the hands of diabolical Republicans.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patti_Smith

You notice the UFO flap in Texas - how close it came to the Nader announcement? The BOC calling in reinforcements, no doubt.

They must be stopped! CP has to tell the world!

FCS, OK, she has a tangential connection to Blue Oyster Cult, but c’mon, I saw them open for Rush at my first arena concert as a teenager and they ROCKED! Rush did the whole “2112″ thing flawlessly. And my friend’s dad even let us smoke pot!

The Nader thing is something else. I’m sorry my goddess has endorsed a cranky old monkey-wrenching man, but I will not hold it agin’er. She still clutches my heart in her warm long fingers.

And, I still think we need viable third and fourth and fifth parties.

Sure, we need viable third and fourth and fifth parties - but Nader is an extraterrestrial agent provocateur. It’s obvious. Smith wouldn’t come out and admit her role in plunging the world headlong into apocalypse, now would she?

OK, I submit. But just ‘cuz I’m like that. I still think Patti wouldn’t do anything to hurt anyone, especially puppies. But who knows what deeds must be done to fulfill the apocalypse? Not I.

@Ped: I gave a public talk today and came this close [_] to referring to McCain as McCrappypants.

@Dodgerblue: I think Psychogeezer is much more effective. But depending upon the audience, etc…

One of my favorite memories of my misspent life is huddling backstage at the Electric Ballroom show bar in Atlanta in 1975, with Patti, Cale (my hero), Lenny Kaye and Richard Sohl, some local yokel psychadelic cowboy bass player, and Ashley Capps, trying to remember the words to Dolly Parton’s “Jolene”.
Local Big Deal Bass Player (I don’t even remember the name of his big-deal-for-Atlanta band anymore) had shown up with his fringed jacket and long blonde locks, and Patti decided that she wanted to play something with him onstage, to give some local color to the proceedings. The rest of the band said it was a bad idea, but she said: “Patti knows what Patti needs to do, and we’re gonna do this.”. So we sorta pieced together the words to “Jolene”.
Onstage, it didn’t work at all, and Local Bass Player was so out of place it was laughable. Oddly enough, I have heard that she continued to do “Jolene” at shows for some time after that. The backstage bad ideas continued, because I was able to talk her into also doing an improvised poem onstage. She had been afraid to do poetry outside of NYC. It bombed, too, but at least she dedicated it to me.
So, there was a point to all this. Oh, yeah, the point is that “Patti knows what Patti needs to do”, whether it is a stupid idea or not.
Patti Smith backing Nader is like Patti Smith doing “Jolene”.

@ ewalda - Who is Paul Goddard of the Atlanta Rhythm Section?

Patti Smith “Jolene” (1976)(link requires sign up)
http://concerts.wolfgangsvault.com/dt/patti-smith-concert/20053065-5332.html

@Dodgerblue: OMFG, I called Barack “The Unicorn” today at my office and my coworker stared at me blankly. And then I got freaked out and nervous. Holy f-ing shit we need to do our CP West Coast con-FAAAABs to get this crap out of our systems.
@Ewalda: Knowing Mr. SFL, he probably has a live tape of this show you “played” in with Patti et al. And “Jolene’ is one of my favorite songs because I worship Dolly Parton as the Goddess she is.
@Ped, FCS: “I need more cowbell” - “Don’t Fear the Reaper” is one of the greatest rock songs ever.

@redmanlaw: Yeah, I think that might be the guy. I was an out-of-towner so didn’t recognize the name at the time.

@redmanlaw; @SFL: Patti never did get “Jolene” down.
She was too stubborn to admit it, apparently.

@Ewalda: Point taken. An icon like that must takes some ego. Still love her for Horses, Easter, Radio Ethiopia, etc. Sorry she takes the stand now to make an endorsement phantasmagorical. Still will always love her.

@all: Of course “Jolene” is best manifested by Dolly. But I think Dolly would be the first to welcome additional interpretations, and not just for the royalties, whether they succeed or not. I believe Dolly is a songwriter of the first degree, and she would love all pretenders to her pedigree.

@Pedonator: “Still will always love her.”
As will I. When I’m getting ready for a long trip, I often listen to the “Horses” album on the way to the airport. Just in case it’s the last time.

@Ewalda: Jesus died for somebody’s sins but not mine.

I will to die for my own damned sins.

Thank you Flying Spaghetti Monster! I’ll be here almost every night!

@pedonator: Isn’t it amazing how one line of lyric can take your breath away? The other day I was driving along and a sappy song by a sappy songwriter came on, and the line “Howling in the distance is a captivating sound / Can’t tell if it’s ecstasy or pain.” suddenly brought tears to my eyes.

@ lefty - my law school band used to do a mash up called “Don’t Fear LaBamba”. \

Dust in the wiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnddddd…

Sorry. Lou Reed would have been too easy.

@Ewalda: Yes, one line of lyirc can actually make me cry. I’m a wussie:

I’m an animal
Trapped in your hot car
I am all the days that you choose to ignore
You are all I need
You’re all I need
I’m in the middle of your picture
Lying in the reeds

….That part of the Radiohead/In Rainbows makes me want to cry…every time. I know Radiohead is mainstream and sometimes laughable but they get me everytime. And it’s not something literal with this song, but it always makes me think of my dog. And anyway I don’t care if they’re mainstream now, to me they are like Pink Floyd, but more emotional and engaging.

@pedonator: It’s the “Lying in the reeds” line that snaps your head around. English can be so wonderful sometimes: Not with subtle layers; not with soaring melodious flights; not with staggeringly crystalline perfection (OK, guess the languages), but in its brutal simplicity, English can be wrought by genius to be so alive it’s close to perfected life.

@Ewalda: Properly employed English can truly make me cry. And want to go to bed, which I must do now. Gracias.

Lefty, RedManLaw, Pedonator, do you guys think it worth doing a discrete blog item on CP outing Nader as an extraterrestrial?

I think we have the evidence.

FCS

Whining for a third party to stop the corruption and militarism of America is like whining for someone to take away all the guns. This is America, dude. Great country, but you only get two parties, financed by rich people, and everybody’s armed. Barring another civil war, that’s what you gotta work with.

Also, I say fuck blue-collar Democrats. They’re who gave us Reagan and Nixon (my Dad, a lifelong Democrat and local politician voted for that bastard twice). If Barry has less appeal for them, fine. They probably won’t vote, and he’ll beat McCain with suburban “independents” (aka pro-choice Republicans).

Who are any of these people? Dolly Thingumy, yes. I once saw her in Nashville before her tits came in dressed in gingham singing with Porter Wagoner. A song entitled “But Jeanie’s Af-fraaaaaaaiyed of the Dark.” And a scarier, more demented hymn to the nastier elements of yokel theology I can’t remember hearing. A couple goes out drinking so God burns down the house to punish them thereby roasting their daughter, Jeanie, alive.

As for Nader… We have two parties. The USA is about either or. Top or bottom. There is no other choice. I blame sport and the Republicans. Nader is not serious about his candidacy. His intention is to teach us what we already know. At least that little man who looked like a chicken was serious when he ran. He’d made enough money to think he should be president. Like Mittens with pie charts. But that was a simpler time. Before we became, collectively, the nemesis of civilization. But hey, the GDP of the EU just passed the US for the first time. Most of the country is already part of the 3rd world. Now the rest of it is on its way to the trash heap. And still we hear about gay marriage being the greatest threat we face. I am seriously thinking of moving back to Limeyland. But given that my money is in dollars I doubt I can afford it.

@Lyndon: Hear hear. The US has only ever had pockets of relative prosperity, and these are getting ready to vanish. I’m in one of the third world areas. It makes the burning ghats look like Portobello Road.
We’ll be killing each other for water before long.

Jeebus christmas, we’re too cool for school here. Patty fucking Smith? Poetry? John fucking Cale?

Abba’s drummer died, tragically, over the weekend, ruining the chances for a reunion tour of the original band, and you are talking Patty Smith as if this hasn’t even happened?

I got high with the singer from Nantucket once.

hi kids, i’ve decided to ignore truth justice and the american way today and just fucking laugh. must take a break from crying. my thanks to the following for my 1st cup of coffee spit directly at the screen.
ewalda, ‘my misspent life’ . i have stolen that for myself, thanks.
lyndon, ‘that little man who looks like a chicken with pie charts’ perfect 10 spit at the screen, with choking and coughing involved.
lefty, people stare at me blankly all the time, i think it’s a good sign. my favorite blank stare is from people who ask me what i ‘do’. i say, about what?

nader always ends up phoning home, i enjoy his brand of crazy every few years. gotta give him credit for the seatbelt thing. hil has been blah blah blahing about universal heath care since billy was running. and the entire system has gotten much much worse. wonder how much pfizer and merck, you know, REALLY contributed to her campaign.
and why can’t we get a humane alien with a little cryptonite. that would be helpful.

Wait a minute. Patti Smith claimed that her mother vacuumed to “Rock n Roll Ni$$er”….shouldn’t she be behind Barry?

So Baked, what do you do? Me, I click refresh here at Cynics like a cocaine-addicted rat, all day, waiting for someone, anyone, to bring up the McGreevey threesome story, the greatest story ever told.

I have actually reached a new low in workplace productivity; apparently if you never ever delete or archive all your emails from 2003 on, umm, the hamster inside outlook chokes on them and dies.

@prom,
The story that makes TGIF US America’s swingers capital?

prom: I totally did, but back here. I think I may actually be invisible.

Poor Dina, or should we call her “fingercuffs?” She never dreamed Jim was gay, she just thought he was, umm, what, just what exactly, I wonder.

prom,
about what?

prom — if it is revealed that David Paterson was, on one occasion, guy number 3 in that McGreevey deal? Game over. Hagee has it wrong — that would be the Seventh Seal.

McGreevey is truly the gift that keeps on giving, and apparently he gave freely and often, and without distinction of any kind.

prom,
dina was thinking she was the luckiest woman in the world. her husband was bringing her new boytoys to play with. what a guy!

P.S.: I will always have a spot in my heart for Horses too. But her mind’s gone if she’s backing Ralphie over Obama.

Also: whither Phil Donahue? Of the three of the Super-rally Friends, I vote for him as being not of this world. (It’s the eyes.)

@Prom, BRB: The fact that they rendevoued (sp?) at TGI Friday’s (aka “TGI McScratchy’s” for those of us who watch The Simpsons) is just that lovely touch o’ Jersey that made me realize that the threesome story had to be true. You don’t make up that kind of randomly surreal detail. I wonder if they ever went to an Olive Garden of the Turnpike before the threesome or if that was just on special occasions.

I worked for a fairly strident anti-gringo Argentinian for a spell overseas, and he always found the opportunity to joke about the national cuisine in the US consisting of hamburgers and fries. Nonetheless, his working lunch of choice was always a local TGIF. As long as he was paying the bill, I tried to explain that ordering the ceasar salad and an iced tea was about as close to the American dream as you could get.

I’m still cracked up over “Don’t Fear La Bamba.” I wish I’d thought of that.
BTW the Supremes are hearing argument in the D.C. gun control case today. Those interested can surf over to Scotusblog.com for the skinny.

@RedMan: Were you the one on Brand W who had all the legal-related song mashups that involved the Rule Against Perpetuities?
@Dodger: Hmm, what to follow. Since C-SPAN doesn’t cover SCOTUS, I think I’m sticking with the Unicorn giving a speech about his preacher.

SFL, for special occasions, orgies and clusterfucks, here in Joisey its not Olive Garden, its P.F. Changs; and ya know why? Cause you’re ready to eat more just a half hour later. Rimshot, please.

@SFL: CSPAN is running the audio of the argument as soon as the live argument ends, maybe 8:45 PST? And, talk about wonkitude, Scotusblog is live-blogging the CSPAN coverage.

BTW I will be in SF April 2-4 for a conference. Drink? Breakfast? My gmail address is Naliboffski.

/threadjack/ Barry’s Speech on Race

“Gooooooooooallllllll!!!!”

@lefty - I didn’t do the RAP mashups, but I do own a copy of Jay Z. v. Metallica, “The Blackest Album”, plus one with Jay Z. and the Beatles, which and I hate to say it, may be the better of the two.

@RML: summary, pls. I could not get it live.

@Dodger: Unicorn Speech Summary: I could no more completely cut myself off from Preacherman than I could cut myself off from my white cracker grandma. White racists, black racists, Latino racists. Hope, rainbow, unicorns. Geraldine Ferraro, Martin Luther King, welfare queens, illegal immigrants. Hope and rainbows. God bless America.

@Dodger: Actual Unicorn speech.
Kan I haz summary of SCOTUS arguments, plz?

@dodger - sorry, can’t. Must bill to feed family.

@RML: no prob. I spend 23 years in private practice. Kids are now grown so I ain’t a billing any more.

@SFL: Scotusblog reports at least 5 votes for a right to self defense in the home, incorporated into the 2nd Amendment. Justice Kennedy leading the charge. His team would de-link the “operative” clause of the 2nd Am from the militia language, which he views as just a re-affirmation of the importance of the militia in post-colonial U.S.

I watched it. A truly great speech. Right up there with his 2004 Convention Keynote speech. When I watched the speech in 2004, I remember thinking - “This man will be president someday.”. Watching his speech today, I found myself thinking - “He will be a great president - in 2017 -after four or eight years of seasoning as VP.”

@promnight
I have every email I have ever sent or received at work or at home since 1997.

Somebody help me.

mw,
it won’t be me.
i have every single greeting card, letter, postcard i have ever recieved since i was 10. cartons and cartons and cartons.

somebody, after you help mw, please somebody, please, help me next.

@mw and baked: Don’t look for help from me. I have every cork from every bottle of wine I’ve drunk since 1972 (even the spongy plastic ones). The rafters in my garage are full of trash bags loaded with corks.

Ewalda wins.

Ewalda can help build the ark. We’ll definitely need floaty stuff.

MW, Baked, Ewalda: I also have every cork since my last divorce (thats the longest amount of time a serial monogamist can amass stuff, unless he or she gets the house). Baked, I have the torn movie tickets to “So Fine” from my very first date with a girl ever. And every letter thats ever been written to me, all 14 of them. And all three love letters, of course, and the dozens that I wrote that were returned to me upon the termination of said romances. And until that same divorce, I had every notebook from every course I took in college and law school. I figured they’d want them for my presidential library, ya know?

@ IanJ: I love “floaty stuff.” That made me happy. For a minute there I was bitter all over again at those girls who gave my letters back.