This morning, Wayne County Prosecutor Kym Worthy (totally way more kickass than Kim Possible) unleashed a tirade against the criminal behavior of Detroit Mayor (and bad-boy hottie) Kwame Kilpatrick and his former mistress Christine Beatty before listing the 12 charges on which she planned on indicting the former couple. If you don’t remember, she was married to his best friend, he was married to his wife, they boned each other and, to a lesser degree, their spouses, sent text messages on their city devices chronicling how much they liked fucking each other, conspired to fire some people investigating other bad Kwame behavior and generally pissing them off and then lied about it on the stand when called to testify in the lawsuit against the city initiated by the dudes they conspired to fire. Oh, and when they realized that the text messages might come up in court, they promptly used taxpayer dollars to settle the case. Shit, and two of Kwame’s other aides are about to be held in contempt for destroying documents and obstructing the investigation.

People, some late-breaking advice for politicians: STOP FUCKING AROUND ON YOUR SPOUSES. If the spouse doesn’t go all Wendy on your Johnson, you’re going to get found out if you get even remotely important (i.e., not one of the 400+ basically unimportant and unknown-in-their-own-districts Congress Members who isn’t the target of an investigation of sex hypocrites by the blogosphere) and karma is a bitch, dude. Try fucking your spouse. It’s cool. Monogamy has its benefits (things like trust, intimacy, lack of disease), try and remember what they’re like.

Every Single Story on the Detroit Free Press today.