War Isn’t Pretty. . .Or Is It?

I watched Stop-Loss last weekend, which is heart-wrenching movie about a beautiful boy soldier named Ryan Phillipe who returns to his home town in Texas, gets stop-lossed after several years fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan, and is forced to choose between living his life as a fugitive , or succumbing to the backdoor draft and going back to the war that might kill him. It’s like if you had given your whole career to a company, and were looking forward to your depressing retirement party and your gold watch, you’re all ready to spend some quality time with your 401k, right? Then, the day after you retire, some VP comes up to you and tells you you’re going to have to work for thirty more years, and this time you’re going to need a bulletproof briefcase.

Anyway, the war has already done some damage to the bodies and psyches of Ryan Phillipe and his friends before the titular stop-loss order. They’re drinking too much, digging foxholes in the yard, and showing many traits of post-traumatic stress disorder. Sounds pretty depressing, right? Especially since it was written and directed by the woman who made Boys Don’t Cry. So. . .

War isn\'t pretty. . . or is it?
The caption on this read, “The Bravest Place to Stand is On Each Others Side”


I realize that MTV has to make this appeal to a young audience in some way, but the marketing makes this look like Varsity Blues for the Iraq War, where the hardships of being a soldier are a slightly more intense form of teen angst. From the poster, and the trailer, I would think they get stop-lossed, and this is a bit of a hitch, but then they all realize that their friendship is more important than issues of politics or life and death, so they band together and go kill Saddam Hussein again, and the war ends and then they go win the big game against State while a Nickelback song plays in the background.

Unfortunately, there were no breasts covered with whip cream in this movie. Instead, there was a blind, double amputee with burn scars all over his face, and a lot of creepy trauma flashback scenes. There was a Senator who acted like everybody’s best friend in his home state, and then turned into a standoffish douchebag once he was back in D.C. There were also some nice explosions, but they weren’t so nice that the movie made me agree with President Bush’s statements about the romance of war. Here they are again, for those who forgot:

I must say, I’m a little envious. If I were slightly younger and not employed here, I think it would be a fantastic experience to be on the front lines of helping this young democracy succeed.

It must be exciting for you … in some ways romantic, in some ways, you know, confronting danger. You’re really making history, and thanks.

Oh, and despite the fact that it showed very bloody intense battle scenes involving both soldiers and civilians, someone brought their baby. I love that.

21 comments:

The only thing I think when I see that trailer (the way it has been marketed) is Man. Candy.

@Jason: Yeah. I know this is a Serious Movie and I’m sure it’s gonna be worthwhile, but the real reason I can’t wait to see it is all the stills I’ve seen of Ryan and Channing in cowboy drag.

I talked to a friend of mine who has written a screenplay about Afghanistan based on one’s soldiers writings had high hopes for this movie as he was pitching it to execs. This movie was marketed poorly, like Lord of War which I liked but did not previously because I thought it was the 2nd coming of Best Defense.

Unfortunately, the MTV movie brand is usually the mark of craptastic cinema.

Gotta love stupids bringing their kids to adult (not “adult”) movies. My dad made that mistake once. He took a friend of mine and I to see Saturn 3 which being a horrible movie is only memorable for two things:
1) Harvey Keitel sniffing a dog’s ass
2) Farah Fawcett’s boobs (my friend wouldn’t shut up about that for a month)

Nice picture. Makes the movie look like The Outsiders meets The Hills meets Platoon. Or Pony Boy and Spencer go to War.

I’m guessing the girls & gayz who go expecting hot man candy like the shirtless cowboy in the promo are going to be very disappointed and distressed to see double amputees. Maybe they will be galvanized to protest the war or at least vote Democratic. I love my fantasy world. Where’s my unicorn?

@manchu: My dad took me to see Magnum Force the same year he protected my tender young mind from The Exorcist.

And decades later, do I still remember the image of a sniper shot hitting right between the boobs? Yes. Yes, I do.

I watched Apocalypse Now with the rents when it first hit the theaters. Given that I can only otherwise remember seeing Planet of the Apes and Jaws with the folks, I’ve concluded that either they were totally cool or they had no idea what we were going to see.

And my folks were most definitely not cool back then.

Maybe it’s just me, but I value movies mostly for their opportunity for escapism. I was just reading somewhere that the people who have the most realistic views of the world are the ones most likely to suffer from clinical depression. FSM knows we all need some laughs.

I won’t be seeing Stop Loss for the same reason that I won’t be seeing (gulp)Redacted or Iraq in Fragments; if I want to be horrified, I’ll just read the news.

Fool’s Gold was freakin’ awesome, btw.

Over on Skins, the kids are putting on their candy-colored, romantic, over-the-top, high school performance and if you guessed it’s called Osama! The Musical!, then you’d be right! There’s even the usual angsty teen drama subplot—but with singin’ and dancin’.

FSM help me—this is so fucking wrong—yet hilarious!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRUjZ1ehwH8

DEAD BUSINESSMAN:
Once, I was a lonely banker
All I cared for were margins and accounts
I dreamed of Dow Jones and the FTSE
I didn’t see my credit running out…

DEAD BUSINESSWOMAN:
I passed you on the floor each morning
I always gave a cheery smile
But you, you never even saw me
You were far to busy all the while

BOTH:
Then came the day Osama blew us away
CHORUS:
Osama blew them away
BOTH:
And now, you know how I feel.

CHORUS:
Then came the day Osama blew us away
Osama blew them away
Then came the day Osama blew us away
Osama blew them away…

All I could think about during Fool’s Gold was gouging my eyes out and filling the holes with concrete.

Well I tried to laugh at Vantage Point, but that shit just wasn’t funny. Actually, it wasn’t even satisfying assassination porn. I felt like Morticia Adams in Adams Family Values when she’s reading The Cat in the Hat to dear little Pubert and she turns the page and sadly says “oh no–” whoops, spoiler alert.

And why was Sigourney even in that movie? She only had like two minutes of screen time it seemed. Eduardo Noriega made it worthwhile though.

heh heh heh, Marcell said “succumbing to the backdoor draft.” That’s fancy talk for “turning ghey.”

/sorry, my sadness and anger are shoved down right now and juvenile sexual humor is my coping mechanism.

If he doesn’t make it to Canada, the movie is sending the wrong message.

And thank you for restoring the old comment system. It IS appreciated.

@OA: I thought Vantage Point was terribly lame. Great plot device, terrible execution. If that cop had shouted I work for the Mayor! one more time, my head would have exploded.

@SFL: Thats somethng to apologize for? Your just getting in touch with your inner Guy.

@Jason, @Pedonator

Reminds me of when I went to see Million Dollar Baby because

Girls who box = Girls with super hot arms = Yum

Big mistake…

@ nabisco

They should have flipped roles, with Siggy as the Secret Service agent and Dennis Quaid as the TV news producer. Can you see her behind the wheel in that car chase? Now that would’ve been a compelling, kick-ass flick!

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My friends insisted we watch “Silver City” last weekend. They oohed and ahhed about how much it reminded them of Dubya. Well, I’m sorry but if I’m going to spend 2 hours of life doing something it needs to entertain, taste good, give great orgazisms, or make me rich. That movie did NONE of the above. Boring…

I’m just now realizing that that’s Joseph Gordon-Levitt on the far right, and that he’s looking kind of hot now that he’s all growed up. Eerie.

“some VP comes up to you and…”


Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
I’ve been around for a long, long year
Shot many a man straight in the face

I snuck around the Basra oil wells
When I saw it was time for a change
Killed Saddam and his ministers
Burning babies screamed in vain - So?

I was ’round when Valerie Plame
Had her moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure Judy Miller
Sucked me off and sealed your fate

I had other priorities than Nam
I was traumatized by Watergate
I wrote George his imperial rank
So the surge could surge tho’ the bodies stank

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, what’s undisclosed
Is my secure location, oh yeah

I watched with glee while shrill Cindy
Attention whored in the free speech zone
CNN look over there! Shiny! Shiny!
No photos of the boxes I sent home

I shouted out Who wired up Abu Ghraib?
When after all it was John Yoo and me

Let me please introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
I stop-lossed all those troops and more
Who get killed before they reach Baghdad

Just as every neocon’s a criminal
And all the cronies saints
As heads as tails, just call me Evil Incarnate
‘Cause I’m in need of some restraint

So if you meet me, have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or you can go fuck yourself, oh yeah

@litotes: Well done.

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