I watched Stop-Loss last weekend, which is heart-wrenching movie about a beautiful boy soldier named Ryan Phillipe who returns to his home town in Texas, gets stop-lossed after several years fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan, and is forced to choose between living his life as a fugitive , or succumbing to the backdoor draft and going back to the war that might kill him. It’s like if you had given your whole career to a company, and were looking forward to your depressing retirement party and your gold watch, you’re all ready to spend some quality time with your 401k, right? Then, the day after you retire, some VP comes up to you and tells you you’re going to have to work for thirty more years, and this time you’re going to need a bulletproof briefcase.

Anyway, the war has already done some damage to the bodies and psyches of Ryan Phillipe and his friends before the titular stop-loss order. They’re drinking too much, digging foxholes in the yard, and showing many traits of post-traumatic stress disorder. Sounds pretty depressing, right? Especially since it was written and directed by the woman who made Boys Don’t Cry. So. . .

The caption on this read, “The Bravest Place to Stand is On Each Others Side”

I realize that MTV has to make this appeal to a young audience in some way, but the marketing makes this look like Varsity Blues for the Iraq War, where the hardships of being a soldier are a slightly more intense form of teen angst. From the poster, and the trailer, I would think they get stop-lossed, and this is a bit of a hitch, but then they all realize that their friendship is more important than issues of politics or life and death, so they band together and go kill Saddam Hussein again, and the war ends and then they go win the big game against State while a Nickelback song plays in the background.

Unfortunately, there were no breasts covered with whip cream in this movie. Instead, there was a blind, double amputee with burn scars all over his face, and a lot of creepy trauma flashback scenes. There was a Senator who acted like everybody’s best friend in his home state, and then turned into a standoffish douchebag once he was back in D.C. There were also some nice explosions, but they weren’t so nice that the movie made me agree with President Bush’s statements about the romance of war. Here they are again, for those who forgot:

I must say, I’m a little envious. If I were slightly younger and not employed here, I think it would be a fantastic experience to be on the front lines of helping this young democracy succeed.

It must be exciting for you … in some ways romantic, in some ways, you know, confronting danger. You’re really making history, and thanks.

Oh, and despite the fact that it showed very bloody intense battle scenes involving both soldiers and civilians, someone brought their baby. I love that.