Archive for April 2008

Mittens Reloaded

Damn it feels good to load up my diaper ...You know you want it:

The latest Evans-Novak Political Report says that “a rumor running through the political community” now puts former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney (R) in the lead to be Sen. John McCain’s vice presidential candidate. “But Romney has many critics in the McCain inner circle, and we don’t think the decision has been made.”

Now the five brothers won’t have to sign up for the Iraq war - they can serve their country by making their Dad vice-president!

Romney Leading McCain’s Short List? [Taegan Goddard's Political Wire]

Civilization Teeters on the Brink

I am all-destroying time and at present I have accepted this gigantic form. I am present here to annihiliate Britney, Christina, and others. The result of My mission will be that, except for you the five Eisners, no one on this battlefield will remain alive.

Lots of annoying things have forced themselves onto my radar.  Michael Bolton, Yanni, Kenny G, and Cher for example.  Knowledge of the existence of Sylvester Stallone (he of the third testicle) is lodged in my brain, and I know of the oeuvre of Pauly Shore.  I am also aware of lesser mediocrities like Adam Sandler, Mandy Patinkin, and the perpetually-overrated Garth Brooks.  I have been dragged,  kicking and screaming, to a Stevie Nicks concert, and I lived.

On the other hand, I’ve expended lots of effort to avoid knowing who Hannah Montana is - until the Vanity Fair kerfuffle, I didn’t know the name Miley Cyrus.  I had never heard her speak nor had I heard her sing. I was blissfully unaware that Hannah was the spawn of the bathetically awful Billy Ray Cyrus.  If pressed, I could not have picked her out of a lineup.

But no more.

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Decisions, Decisions

You may have heard, Hillary and Cap’n Crappypants have called for a summer suspension of the gasoline tax, and Obama has told us driver-types to get bent. Normally, I’m all for a tax cut, even if it’s only 18.4 cents on every gallon of $3.70/gallon gas I buy for my 2001 Corolla that I fill up every 2 weeks or so — for $1.84 savings per fill-up. If you figure that I’ll drive home maybe once in that time (3 gallons), a 13 week gas tax holiday would save me, at most, approximately $18. But, $18 is $18, right? Read the rest of this entry »

Something for Everyone

These are, in fact, real teenage Iraqi hookers.

Posts on this blog usually fall into a few reliable categories - the Dear Leader’s stupid war, the hooker usage of politicians, the Barry Hussein/Hillary cage match, the Psychogeezer, and assfucking.  So it’s nice when we can economize and hit more than one of these themes at a time:

Some explosive testimony this afternoon from a panel of whistleblowers testifying before a Senate committee on contractor abuse in Iraq.

A contractor died when a DynCorp manager used an employee’s armored car to transport prostitutes, according to Barry Halley, a Worldwide Network Services employee working under a DynCorp subcontract.

“DynCorp’s site manager was involved in bringing prostitutes into hotels operated by DynCorp. A co-worker unrelated to the ring was killed when he was travelling in an unsecure car and shot performing a high-risk mission. I believe that my co-worker could have survived if he had been riding in an armored car. At the time, the armored car that he would otherwise have been riding in was being used by the contractor’s manager to transport prostitutes from Kuwait to Baghdad.“ 

More contractor recklessness after the jump.

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Psychogeezer is a Surrender Monkey! Republicans to Reject Geriatric Fruitcup

Insane!The Psychogeezer was exposed today by the Huffington Post as a surrender monkey par excellence, as the French would say, literally telling MSNBC three years ago he didn’t even want to keep a vestigial US defensive force in Iraq once the hostilities had ended a la Korea and West Germany, insisting, “I would hope that we could bring them all home.”

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Eugenics: The Home Game

Cynics, put down your politics for a second! Big news!Rebel

I want to direct your attention to the newly launched intelligentpeople.com, a dating website for only the best and brightest. To become a member, you must first take their online IQ test and score within the top 15% of the population. Once you pass the test (or cheat your way through) you can create a dating profile and post those fake hottie photos of “yourself”.

Intelligentpeople.com is much more than just a cheesy niche dating site, I’m afraid. It is in fact the harbinger of a new wave of eugenics, that evil EvolutionistNazi practice that Ben Stein has been trying to warn us all about in his new film, Expelled. Soon eugenics fever will sweep the nation! Starting today, the intelligent will be exclusively dating smarties, leaving the rest of you lumbering oafs to mate with your fellow half-wits while reading The Cynics’ Party.

You can guess the rest from here. Splitting of the human race, humans being hunted for sport, more terrible “red state, blue state” jokes. Grisly stuff. Why oh why did we not heed Ben Stein’s brilliant documentary, Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed?! In theaters now.

Spreading the Blame

Why should I care?  There's no chance I'll ever get a nightstick shoved up MY ass.Uncle Nino has written a book.  Just like his fellow conservative profiteers, I’m sure he’ll send the proceeds to help all those Iraqi families whose lives he destroyed with his vote in Bush v. Gore.  Of course, Scalia has long fucked up the lives of people worldwide because he’s been around since the days of Saint Ronnie.  And since our tax dollars will keep him healthy well past his sell-by date, he’ll be busily eliminating our rights for decades to come.

Scalia is easy to hate - he’s a bitter little man devoted to screwing those he deems lesser, and that’s pretty much everyone.  But there’s another bad actor in this conservative kabuki that never seems to get blamed for anything.  More after the jump.

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Globe: Clinton Is An Annihilationist Pig True, But It’s Not the Important Point

Hillary Wants to Nuke The Universe!If there is any indication how militarized and annihilationist American politics has become, it’s Hillary Clinton’s casual observation in an interview with ABC’s “Good Morning America” last week that she would “totally obliterate” Iran if it attacked Israel during her prospective presidency.

The Boston Globe, brain-dead after a savage takeover by the New Yotk Times company transformed an historically weak paper into a dreary shopper, noted correctly that this kind of crazy talk fuels rage against the US abroad and actually helps the Iranian crazies make their case for arming up.

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Dance, Bitches, Dance!

So, once upon a time (you may recall), I had a pre-caffeinated inspiration and with the help of Eric Brewer, made the Obama-Gregory Dance-Off a reality. Yes, I am fascinated by people dancing.

That said, D.C. takes a shit-ton of flak for being filled with boring nerds. Mostly, it’s true. But I’ve been in 3 cities in the last week and I took some video in both places, and I dare you to say it again after you’ve watched.

First, as featured on Attackerman, I got people dancing to Kanye at the Obama party in Philly.

Awkward? Yeah. Next up, I got D.C. media types and scenesters dancing to some old school Biggie Smalls.
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Crashing Other Parties

Nah, I didn’t actually crash. Glamour got a table at last night’s White House Correspondent’s Dinner and asked me to go to cover it all: their table included Padma Lakshmi, Chelsea Handler and (my hero, in silver heels) Samantha Bee, along with Nancy Brinker and my editors Ellen and Linda and Glamour editor Cindy Leive. But, more on all of that tomorrow on Glamocracy, obviously. In the mean time, the picture I was actually geekily proud to have gotten.

Megan and Danny
Don’t recognize him? That’s Danny Strong, who was Doyle on Gilmore Girls and Jonathan on Buffy and he wrote the upcoming movie Recount about the 2000 recount, which is why he was there. Also, he was super-nice about taking this picture and we played recognize-the-celebrity (he beat me on Douglas Feith but I won on Donatella Versace and Megyn Kelly). Also, to his credit, I was in 4 inch heels, so he’s not as short as he looks, not that there’s a problem with that, and I promised to call him “actor, writer and sex symbol” when I blogged this, though I’m pretty sure he didn’t think I would actually say that because he doesn’t know me. Whoops. Read the rest of this entry »