It’s not as though there’s nothing to blog about: a Papal visit, shit blowing up in Iraq, the Barack/Hillary smackdown. But something didn’t feel right. Republican assfucking, closeted gay pastors, dildos, wetsuits, and bathroom stalls are the building blocks of this website. But there’s been nothing suitable lately - a couple Dem governors having straight sex, sure - but what’s that compared to a Bob Allen or a Gary Aldridge?

At last:

For days, Bruce Barclay’s political career hung in the balance. The Republican commissioner of Cumberland County, Pennsylvania, had been accused of rape — by a man, no less — and the police were bearing down. Barclay’s lawyer issued a strong denial (”This accusation of rape is ludicrous It will be defended forever and is wrong.”). But it was clear things were looking pretty dicey. Until… vindication! Well, sort of.

More assfucking after the jump.

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This is the poster for Army Earth Day, which they purportedly celebrate by taking a day off from getting killed in the Middle East to pick up litter. And to put down that poor, poor eagle. There should be a tear rolling down its little face.

Oration: an elaborate discourse delivered in a formal and dignified manner

It is a little known fact* that George W. is capable of getting along with Democrats, and in fact is quite chummy with The Mayor of the City of Chicago, the Honorable Richard M. Daley (for every one of those words you don’t capitalize, the City turns off your water for a day!). One might assume it is because they both behave like entitled, ill-mannered children who are above the law and treat the government under their charge as a personal playground for the economic interests of their rich friends. BUT NO! The true bond lies in their inability to speak the English language, whether in prepared or God-help-us-all off-the-cuff remarks. After the jump, read Da Mayor’s latest quote in response to a controversy gripping the city.

*not a fact

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There’s a long, proud history in France of Presidents being elitist pricks out of touch with the workaday Frenchman, and, apparently, the French actually like it that way. Nickie, though, is considered too déclassé as a President to be loved by the culturally elite cheese-eating surrender monkeys, which is why he gets called names like President Bling-Bling and Sarko l’Américain — because all Americans are déclassé and all French political writers lack the ability to come up with funny nicknames.

The one thing the French and I agree on is that Nickie’s got the prick part down — not that I’m still bitter about our parting or anything. On the culture thing, though… no, wait, I think I might agree with the French elitist-rimjobbers on that, too. According to the New York Times, Nickie likes Celine Dion and Lionel Ritchie. Girl, it’s not him I’m looking for.

Anyway, so, apparently my crush that I am now TOTALLY OVER was on a dude with shit taste in music and a penchant for tacky women who’s also kind of a prick. How did that not work out?

A Lowbrow in High Office Ruffles France [NY Times]

Once again, the Confused Old Man™ demonstrates that he doesn’t know jack shit about the economy:

To help people weather the downturn immediately, McCain was calling for Congress to institute a “gas-tax holiday” by suspending the 18.4 cent federal gas tax and 24.4 cent diesel tax from Memorial Day to Labor Day. He also renewed his call for the United States to stop adding to the Strategic Petroleum Reserve and thus lessen to some extent the worldwide demand for oil.

Combined, he said, the two proposals would reduce gas prices, which would have a trickle-down effect and “help to spread relief across the American economy.”

Does McCain really think that the Exxon/Mobils of the world won’t just raise prices to pretty much where they were? Does McCain really think that retailers, already hurt by the economic crisis, won’t try to make some money?

And if it actually works? It encourages more driving and more consumption … and the price will go up! Way to go fuckwit.

McCain Calls for Summer ‘Gas-Tax Holiday’ [MSNBC]

Hey Cynics! Generalissmo HF here, celebrating my seventh 25th birthday. I am having a nice day doing whatever I feel like doing, outside in the sun, sitting on my boyfriend’s big dick (oops, I mean ‘deck’ - I always get those ‘i’ and ‘e’ keys mixed up!), digesting that greasy gyro sandwich & fries I treated myself to for lunch. I realize I haven’t written anything in a while, and I should probably be posting about Barack saying completely accurate but politically stupid things, or about the charming Illinois state legislator/God-lover going off on someone for their religious beliefs (or lack thereof). But today is a day to celebrate, not just my glorious birth but also further decline of the Wonk (seriously, the best bday present ever). So in that party spirit, and to wash away the stench of douchebag that looking at a picture of Ken Layne has left over the continental 48, I am going to hit you with some food porn. My birthday dinner, after the jump.

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Apparently the Psychogeezer doesn’t plan to torture you if you’re an American citizen, so best have your passport on you should he win in the fall.

Today, during the question- and-answer period of Sen. John McCain’s (R-AZ) address to the Associated Press, a journalist asked McCain about torturing terrorism detainees, saying “Don’t we stand for something better?” McCain seemed to get confused, talking instead about his opposition to the torture of Americans:

I’ve made it very clear, I’ve made it very clear in my statements and in my support of the Detainee Treatment Act, the Geneva Conventions, etc., that there may be some additional techniques to be used, but none of those would violate the Geneva Conventions, the Detainee Treatment Act…And we cannot ever, in my view, torture any American, that includes waterboarding.

More good news after the jump.

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This is an actual picture of Ken Layne, the new owner of W*******. And I am now free to tell you that G***** Media Empire, uh, Emperor Nick Denton has sold a certain politically-themed website to a certain former Managing Editor of some disrepute.

Getting fired? Apparently worked out in my favor in more ways than I imagined.

Breaking: G***** Media selling W******* blog; spinning off three sites [Politico]

Update: Michael Calderone at Politico beat Ken Layne and W******* to the story of their own sale by 30 minutes. I’m just sayin’.

At the Time of the Louisville Flood, Margaret Bourke-White, 1937

If you’ve been to the grocery store recently you’ve probably noticed that all of a sudden you’re spending about a third more for the same crap you’ve been buying for years. This is because there’s a gobal food crisis, and it’s scaring the pants off just about every country except us. Robert  B.  Zoellick, the president of the World Bank wants the world to know he feels our pain. “Throughout the weekend we have heard again and again from ministers in developing countries and emerging economies that this is a priority issue,” he’s quoted as saying in the New York Times, adding, hilariously, “We have to put our money where our mouth is now,” because, when the dollar is this worthless and food so expensive, we may as well just eat the fucking money.

Finance Ministers Emphasize Food Crisis Over Credit Crisis [New York Times]
Crossposted on WhiteHouse.com

Aaawkwaaard.

This morning I woke up with a burning question. Well, actually, the burning didn’t have much to with any questions per se and went away after about 20 minutes after I applied some cream, but the questions still remained: now that we’ve managed to (probably) nominate Barack Obama, are we totally fucking screwed? The wankers over at Politico weighed in on the problems an Obama candidacy will face in the general election, and I think they may have a point. Sayeth the prophets:

Rip off the duct tape and here is what they would say: Obama has serious problems with Jewish voters (goodbye Florida), working-class whites (goodbye Ohio) and Hispanics (goodbye, New Mexico).

And that’s actually not even the whole list. And so this is what I’m worried about: there’s a serious possibility that we’re totally fucking screwed here. More anxiety after the jump.

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