You sure he’s not a Democrat? (must get back to the weeding. must get back to the weeding. must get back…)

I’d give this a total pass, except for the unusual use of the phrase “love child”. What, he only “likes” the three kids he had with his actual wife?

No diapers. As Lyndon observes, dude’s a closet demrat.

Boooor-ing.

Meh. Breeders are so boring. Two diapers at most. Now if he had 4 different kids by 3 different wives, and the babies weren’t white like him, then maybe that’d move it up to 3 diapers.
 
 
 

he’s either a closet dem, or french.

Two and a half, maximum three for the actual scandal.  But, the fact that he collapsed, weeping like a baby, on the House floor does add a bit of crazy to the deal.

Huh?  Vito Fossela has a goumade, this should get diapers?  No diapers!  It would be a kink if Vito did not have a goumade.  jeeze, what a bunch of naifs.

Collapsing on the floor is good though, but eh, ethnic catholics are a passionate, dramatic, arm-waving people.

@guru: I’m glad someone watches CSPAN so I don’t have to. Do you think the weeping like a baby was a sublimated cry for diapering? If so, I’d bump it up to 7 on the scale. Otherwise, maybe 2.

Nobody is over 4 on this - I may have to rethink this whole thing.  Diaper ratings for sex scandals have to be taken seriously - we can’t have these ratings stand for nothing, like Standard & Poor and others’ ratings on all that collateralized mortgage debt.  We have standards.

Well why would I not be surprised there is a bastard child from some Catholic pols affair.  Good papists never use  a boot or birth control.  Let that spooge take it’s nature course, even if your dumping your load in the mistress.  I think these expose’s are ego trips for these fucktards.  “I am a stud, I got my piece on the side knocked up and gotta house full of them at home too.”  Diaper scale: 1.75 with a mild shit stain.

@AARPrick make that:  it’s natural course….

I’d call it 2 diapers + 1/2 diaper because it’s a ‘pub with an 81% from the Pro Family dudes.

I was thinking of ripping out a parody, but I couldn’t write one that didn’t rip on the love child so I passed.  As the motto is around here:  It’s not much but I have standards…

2 diapers at most and only because i’m imagining that the mistress lets him do the freaky shit.

//threadjack// Hillary,as quoted in USA Today…”…Obama’s support among working, hard working, hard working American, white Americans, is weakening.”
Did she just call all of Obama’s supporters a bunch of lazy niggers?

It’s maybe a one diaper deal unless someone can dig up a wet suit . . . Blogenfreude, can you call his office and ask them if he did with his clothes on or a wet suit, etc. ? If he beats Laura regularly in the name of Jesus? It will help score the scandal.  People at his office will understand.

@jamie: You have to describe the freaky shit, girl! Otherwise we’re left to our own fantasies, which by definition are not freaky.

@guru: Sounds that way to me. But I suppose she could have been implying that African Americans are all elitists, ‘cuz we all know that the trust-fund black wo/man driving around in a Volvo sipping a latte, like most stereotypes, must have some basis in truth.

Maybe I’m overreacting because he’s local, and because I know something about him.  For instance:

Source - http://vetofossella.com

@Blogenfreude: Where’s the perversion? That’s what we’re missing here to make it diaper-worthy.

Maybe a Courtesy Diaper for the collapse. But not one diaper more.

@Blogenfreude: oooooh… pretty colors…… I bow to your mastery of HTML on this comment system that seems to work when it wants to.

Back on topic, he sounds like a douche who deserves jagged glass dipped in habañero sauce shoved up his rectum.

Yay! Colors!

@blog: Valiant effort, and we do need a color-coded Threat Alert for, um, something. But Spitz sets the standard: You need to find legislation or actions specifically opposing his transgressions. No irony, no fun.

Nojo, I so admire your grim determination to protect the integrity of the Cynics’ Party Sex Scandal Diaper Rating Scale.  Protect and serve, comrade!

@Pedonator: Some Diapers Are More Equal Than Others.

@Manchu: It’s for the best — you really don’t want to go stepping on Diana’s turf.

Give him a bow chikka bow for tha “love child” and for being able to reproduce despite his politics.  It’s like the nasty little egg-stealing nest raider that is always able to get by for another day, but that, unfortunately is also able to pass on its genes.

“What the ugliest part of your body?
I think it’s your mind
I think it’s your mind
I think it’s your mind.”
- 50’s style song by my buddy Junius from our punk rock/artist/college/young reporter days

@redmanlaw: Which brings us to…

You think that I don’t feel love
What I feel for you is real love
In other’s eyes I see reflected
A hurt, scorned, rejected

Love child!

You never hear them referred to as a “lust child”, why is that?

Mama may have, Papa may have, but FSM bless the child that’s got his own….

It’s strictly Democrat sex. What I find interesting, as have others before me, is the ‘love child’ angle. It’s so Thomas Hardy.
There he is, our hero Vito, leading a double life, consumed by guilt (Catholic), unable to cope, anesthetizing his pain with liberal doses of Absolut. The getting in the car drunk is classic Freud. A desperate cri de coeur to bring his wife and gf together to forgive his transgressions, to hold him, rocking him gently like a baby. Like a very naughty baby who’d be powerless to resist. He’d be smothered in billowy breasts coming at him from all sides while his diapers were changed. Was it wife who caresses him? Was it gf? Or was it that ideal woman he’s chased after all his life? The one he glimpsed as a young boy at the ticket office in Grand Central buying a one-way ticket to Scarsdale? Who sort of reminded him of his mother when he walked in on her in the bathroom when she’d just got out of the shower. He could only have been seven or eight at the time but now, thinking back, it was the first time he could remember that tingle between his legs, that growing hardness that would soon erupt, staining his sheets with the unmistakable evidence of his unworthiness.
Could be something like that. Must get back to the weeding.

@nojo:  Just beat me to it.  Any Diana Ross drag-queens out there?  Also, i haven’t heard the phrase “love child” at least since the ’70s.  Around here they just call them bastards.

@mellbell:  Sorry to overlook your post.  You just beat me to the Supreme Ones reference, too.  I’m getting old, so old and slow….

So, not to change the subject, where will The Cynics’ Party National Convention be held this summer?  San Francisco?  Philadelphia?  Let’s not settle for a virtual Convention.  We need to party!

@mellbell: Oops, beat me to the punch, too. Thought it was a Princess Diana link and avoided it…

Lyndon, ughh, you make heterosexuality seem so sordid.

Yeah, I’m with the “meh” crowd on this one.  Straight white dude.  Straight white wife. Straight white mistress.  We don’t even get any shots of terrified children clutching identically dressed dollies out of this one.

@raging,
I could go for that, too.
 

@nojo: Should’ve gone with “Miss Ross” (or something equally fabulous).

By the way, did anyone see that we had a promnightdumpsterbaby in my fair State again?  In the beautiful city of millville, only it wasn’t a dumpster, it was a public toilet, and it wasn’t the prom, it was a Cinco de Mayo celebration.  Sad; they charged a 14 year-old with murder.

@ragingmonk: We could have a CP Sandy Eggo Beach Riot. I don’t think the kids have fucked up all the local alcohol laws yet.

@promnight: No, but I did see the prom night dumpster baby musical number on Family Guy on TBS last night.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRj-S8Aklcw

@nojo:  Personally, I have no favorites.  Sandy Eggo is a great place.  I just want to get us talking about it for real.  Although points added to any place without old and fat German nudity.

@Guru: Re Hillbot’s “white supporters” - I tried to post a link to the NYT article about that this morning but the CP hamsters et it.  Horrifying.
@RagingMonk: I nominate San Francisco to host the CP Convention this summer. Coldest winter and all that.  Or we could hold it in Santa Cruz - good surfing and good medical pot.
@PromNight: That’s really sad. Are they going to charge the ass-clown (who undoubtedly is older than 21) who knocked up a 13 year old?

@rptrcub: And just as I was about to paste that link…

The Family Guy Manatees scored good on that one.

@Lefty:  San Francisco would be great.  I thought of SF and Philly because we seem to have commenter clusters around there.  Philly is like TCP East; SF is like TCP West.  Or am I mistaken?

@SanFranLefty: Can we revive Swampsow now? Because it’s not enough that she’s splitting the party — she won’t be satisfied until she takes the country down with her.

Let’s revisit and expand Guru’s quote:

Clinton cited an Associated Press article that she said “found how Sen. Obama’s support among working, hard-working Americans, white Americans, is weakening again, and how whites in both states who had not completed college were supporting me.”

That’s twice in the same sentence. Have you no sense of decency, ma’am, at long last?

Sorry, Megan, but I have to do it unstruck:

Stay classy, Swampsow!

@Nojo: “twice in the same sentence” - do you mean the word “white” or the word “working” because apparently all the Unicorn supporters, when we’re not walking around with our NPR tote bags, we’re not working. Or we’re not working hard.
@Monk: Or, we could split the difference and have the Convention in Santa Fe and RedManLaw could take us all fishing and hunting.

@Nojo: Is she going to show how in touch she is with the rednecks by showing up at a campaign rally this week in a Klan robe?
Did anyone else see Jon Stewart’s clip of her suddenly sounding as if she fell off the turnip truck (the one that drives from Chicago to Wellesley to New Haven to Chappaqua, I guess)? Her southern accent sounds as real as Shrub’s alleged Texas accent.

San Fran: JFK, Cow Palace, 1960.  And my birthplace.

@Monk, SFL: SF is conveniently located, though a warm beach in Sandy Eggo is tempting.  I’ll be in SF on business during the Democratic convention. We must organize a watch party if there’s any chance of a floor fight or other shenanigans. Santa Fe is always lovely, and RML could give us some survival training for the dark, dark days ahead.
On topic: The only diapers this deserves are the love child’s dirites, none of which Vito changed, I’m sure. I did notice at the press conference last week, the wife was there but was sitting in the audience glaring at him rather than standing by her man. I do see a possibility of financial misdeeds if he had two families to support. Keep us posted, blogenfreude.

 
threadjack
Tweety is off da hook today! He got a new dye job, and he’s funny as hell this evening. My favorite quote: “Something happened Tuesday; it’s called The Results!” My kid and I are rolling. We usually turn the channel when he comes on, but not today. And he isn’t yelling.
 
AND this morning we were watching MSNBC, and we weren’t paying attention too much, and we heard this yelling. My kid goes, “Is that Tweety?” I go, “I’m not sure.” It was Pat Buchanan. Ha!

@promnight: re: Cinco de Mayo dumpster baby — so it is true that spicy food can provoke birth!

re: CP Convention. I remember the Repug convention here waybackwhen, our fair city still hasn’t been thoroughly cleansed form that, so a CP convention here would work wonders. But SF is also a relatively easy jaunt from here…I would say New Orleans would be the ultimate Cynical destination for a political convention, but ugh, not in the summer, I would melt.

yeah, i say he’s pretty low on the diaper scale.  but could we maybe have a separate scale for douches…like, he rates 1 diaper and 6.5 douchebags?  instead of standard and poor we have pampers and fleet.

I wish the Hilbot 9000 would get it over with and just raise her fist and start shouting “White Power! White Fucking Power and Fucking Jesus Will Save This Fucking Country!”  The cutsie face on ‘60 Minutes’ when she said, “as far as I know” Obama isn’t a Mooslim was preternaturally cynical, a groomed character aspect you could tell. She can really think on her feet - and react in really creepy ways. Go for it, Hilbot, go for the glory of being America’s first white supremist candidate in decades!

My kid and I wish Obama would just declare victory, but we wonder who would come crawling out of the woodwork to vote against him. Hillary needs something like 80% of the vote from here on out to win according to Tim Russert. Why are we still talking about her?

@pocket gay: We could always dust off the Monica Scale, or if yer rockin’ old skool, the Monkey Business Index.

@pocket gay: Wait… wait… Wilburs.

As in: Vito rates six Wilburs for the arrest, crying jag and love child, but we deduct four because the Tidal Basin Quotient is lacking.

Hm.  Somehow a speech featuring the words “I am a straight American” just doesn’t have the same punch…

@ todos - When I went to the 2000 DNC, I saw Rage Against the Machine, Celia Cruz, Poncho Sanchez, Los Lobos, Mark Anthony (zzz), and a few others.  The Who were in town.  So - who could we hope to book for the convention?  Judas Priest and Motorhead are on the road this summer, as are Stone Temple Pilots, Slipknot, John Mayer, DMB, Steely Dan, Madonna, and tons of others.  Think big.
 
A Santa Fe convention in July would involve mandatory fishing trips because that is an awesome time of year.  Seeing the moonlight on woodsmoke in the pines as the steaks are cooking over the fire with a drink of choice in the hand after hitting the evening hatch is a big part of why life is worth living.
 
@ nojo - a “JFK” if it’s a A-list thing, i.e., The O and Scarlett Johansen, a Wilbur for sad losers.  So, were Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow flirting last night?

@Pedonator: I think I will leave that to the goddess amongst our midst who thinks 10 days is a dry spell. That definition is sure to be better than mine.

@RML: What?! Maddow better not be flirting with my Keith Oh! cuz I will cut a bitch.

@ jamie - Rachel was a Rhodes Scholar girly-girl, averting her eyes to look at the desk, laughing at his closing joke, his face all lit up . . .

@redmanlaw: I love the idea of a Santa Fe convention/fish fry/shooting gallery, but how do we get there? Albuquerque?

@ nojo - Fly into ABQ, drive 1 hr north.  It’s about 6 hr drive to Denver, so one could get all liquored up, commandeer a car and designated driver at midnight and stare bleary eyed at the Pepsi Center at sunrise, surrounded by Sentinels, Imperial Stormtroopers, Dementers and uncloaked Reptilians keeping the citizenry away.

@comrades: a CP convention in Santa Fe sounds righteous, especially with the fishing. On the other hand, Manchu might have some recommendations for up there in Canada City…cheaper meds, and the loony goes further, eh? 

I dare not suggest an Atlanta convention, because the last time one happened here, Michael Dukakis got nominated. Besides, even with air conditioning, it is the humidity that will kill you in the summer. That’s why everyone’s so fat down here — no one moves during the summer.

I’m all about EssEff, Cow Palace (before it’s torn down), where we can toast to the spirit that hovers over John McCain — Barry Goldwater (1964, anyone?), and raise a glass or joint to the original Goldwater Girl, Hillbot 9000, who probably will still be on her quixotic quest for the Golden Key to the West Wing. But ABQ or Santa Fe works for me, too. I’ve always wanted to see New Mexico. Just ‘coz.

I’ve emailed Megan about this thread and the TCP Convention and hope to hear something after her first bottle of wine tonight.

@nabisco,
I could do Canada City easy, but I have my passport and have no problem where it is in the US America.  I like SF because I’m familiar with the area.  I like SD because I have friends there I can stay with.
Never been to NM so it would be a change.

@ManchuCandidate: I hope to the FSM you’re speaking of Sandy Eggo and not South Dakota.

Um, hello, military mistress! No follow-up on that angle?  Is she Aryan?  She is, right?  I’m thinking Nazi dominatrix fetish.  6.00

@Endy: Looks like we’ve reopened the debate, so let’s check out the News…

Prior to his arrest, Fossella spent the day back-slapping at the White House during a morning event with the Irish prime minister and the afternoon with President Bush at a fete for the Super Bowl-winning New York Giants.

Irish Prime Minister? White House? Shrub? I’m in for a second Courtesy Diaper for the sheer Kevin Bacon of it all.

I do have to admit, though, that there’s really no hypocrisy involved in fascist-on-fascist sex.

@All: If we can’t get our collective shit together for  a TCP Convention this summer in Santa Fe (which I’m totally in favor of, jus’ sayin’ things take planning), how about a TCP inaugural ball in DC next January, regardless of election outcome? I’m sure we could rent the American Legion/VFW hall that’s on Capitol Hill, S.E. (I forget the exact address but I have gone drinking there several times - awesome strong drinks there and plenty of vets to tell you about the insanity of war).
 

@Lefty:  I have Hope that we can do both!  And that’s what I was sayin’, too:  Things Take Planning.  We can do this, srsly.

Most of the comments so far seem to be favoring Left of Center:  San Francisco and Santa Fe and San Diego.

I’m totally down with Santa Fe. How hard is it to get tix to the opera, btw? And when exactly are we talking about? August, to coincide with the Smackdown in Denver? Just in time for my 41st!

Ugh. Watching the rerun of last night’s Daily Show, Stewart sucking up to Psychogeezer gives me the heebie-jeebies. It’s still early, I can only hope the knives come out in a few minutes. No spoilers please.

@Pedonator:  At the Convention or not, I would love to be at your 41st birthday.

@Ped: Jon’s asking McCain about “his Reverend Wright issue”

@monk: If you ever find yourself in sunny Sandy Eggo, we have a futon that is actually more comfortable than the bed (gotta get that memory foam for the bed). And I know doggy would love to meet you.

@Ped:  Great, sounds like fun!  We’ll see.  And if you don’t mind staying at the Monastery of the Blessed Labia, you and doggie will always have a guest room with us.
Gotta love a bodyless doghead.  Miss your old avatar.

@SFL: …and it went nowhere of course. I guess Jon is now so embedded as part of the MSM establishment, he’s caught the inexplicable blind adoration for the Psychogeezer like some kind of Walnuts flu. That was just too fawning and cozy. I’d like to think Colbert would have given the crazy old coot a harder time, but…

@Ped,
I remember the near brawl Psychogeezer had with Jon last summer.  He was on the verge of freaking out when Jon pounded him about Iraq.  However, I saw bits of yesterday’s interview and I got to say, WTF!!!  Jon’s interviewing skills are mixed.  Sometimes he gets that bug up his ass and other times he’s got his nose buried between the guest’s asscheeks.  It’s hard to remember that it is a comedy show though.

@ ped - weeknight tix are easy to get.  There are also apprentice performances of scenes that are cheap to see.  We’ll be doing one or two kid nights w/sone of RML. There are standing room areas (tough if you have a bum knee), tailgating and full bar service.
 
I do have a heavy duty commitment back home for several days before the end of the month when I’ll be incommunicado, then I have a wedding in FLA over Labor Day..
tp://www.santafeopera.org/index.php

@Manchu: Just when we need him to provoke a Psychogeezer moment most…

@rml  I believe that was a Zappa song, but he maybe stole it from your friend, I don’t know.

Santa Fe, Santa Fe, Santa Fe; hey hey, ho ho, santa fe’s where we gotta go, hey hey, ho ho, santa fe’s where we gotta go.  I’m gonna protest any other venue.

Santa Fe would be lovely, as long as there’s no camping involved (RML was kind of scaring me) - my idea of roughing it is a hotel without free wifi and 24 hour room service. Would love to go to the opera though. I will be in San Fran during the Dem convention (end of August), so I wouldn’t be able to make it to  NM then.

pocket has the right idea. you can’t compare aquaman with fossella. they can’t be rated on the same system. loved your pampers and fleets thought.
so i would say, no diapers, but 4 fleets. i for the fact he’s still seeing this woman (big love!) and c’mon people, collapsing and writhing and weeping on the fucking house floor??? that has to be a 3.
so i give 4 fleets and no pampers.

hey lyndon, i would love some of those seeds from whatever you’re weeding today.

i’m with lefty on the inauguration party. i’ll take snow and ice over melting asphalt. and loathe as i am to revisit my hometown, philly would be perfect, a costume party circa 1776, wouldn’t that be fun? we could all go to independence hall and burn our powdered wigs or something.
would love to go to the RML part of town, but someone surely would get accidentally shot in the face.

I wouldn’t worry, baked, most avid sportsmen like RML are extrem