Way to go, Vito! It’s not as if you were sniffing glue with 5 year old boys, buggering them, killing them, buggering them again and cooking them in satanic rituals with neoNazi priest pederasts. Can’t a fucking guy have a couple of pops and appreciate women without everyone getting all worked up? Hey, Vito, you are the heart and soul of the GOP. Fortuitously.

@FCS  Of course, we don’t know for sure that he DIDN’T do  those things.

Vito, dude, I’ve been holding firm in my anti-Diaper stance, but you’re not making it easy. Throw me a bone, I’m dyin’ out here…

What is this picture?  Vito, Rudy and a historically well-known cocksucker?  A menage a trois?  A Republican orgy?  Disgusting!

Baby-Daddy Fosella aka V-Fos.

\announcement
Serious discussions are beginning regarding planning a summer The Cynics’ Party convention. If you would be willing to serve on a Planning Committee, or if you have ideas regarding location, activities, etc., please email your prized opinions at tcpnews (at) live (dot) com. Even if you have listed your preferences, please do it again for this survey.
 
BTW, the Beaver Lady expressed interest in Bay Area, Philly and DC.


\end announcement

@Raging: There is only one thing to do. Get everyone together in Baltimore. Yes, Baltimore. Find a really seedy hellhole, get ripped, put our heads together to write a screenplay that fuses all the GOP scandals into a single grotesque narrative of shitty diapers, assassinated hookers, war profiteering and gay bathroom sex. Then we hunt down John Waters, kidnap him and pour beer into him until he agrees to produce it. CP is the perfect crowd for a lost weekend in Baltimor.
 

@FlyingChainSaw: John Waters, The Wire, Mencken… what’s not to love?

@FCS: Baltimore?! Jesus you are brilliant. Totally apropos for this crowd.  Figure out where the hell we can sleep and I’m on it.
 
I was obnoxiously lobbying for San Francisco, Santa Fe, or Sandy Eggo for the Cynics Party National Convention out of my personal gluttony and laziness to not haul my ass beyond more than one time zone (unless I’m going to a foreign country filled with cute men) plus I have free accommodations in those three cities, but I have a soft spot for Baltimore and you just hit it. If we can get the cake makers from the Food Network show to cater the convention, I’d be totally on it. Hell, maybe we can get Food Network to sponsor the convention in exchange for showing us eating some cake made by those tattooed pastry savants.
Plus Southwest flies to BWI so it’s cheap for most folks in US America to fly there (sorry Baked, Miss Expatria, and Manchu). I have enough Southwest vouchers and drink coupons to sponsor at least a couple of scholarships for the CPers who have been affected by Busheonomics.

saw, GREAT idea. and john waters would so do it!

i ruled out santa fe in fear of an accidental face shooting, likely mine, in favor of philly, where they keep the remnants of what the country was supposed to be. oops.
but then upon further reflection, one is prob more likely to get shot in the face in philly.
the “city of brotherly love” is the murder capital of the country.
doesn’t that just say everything?
get JOHN WATERS!!!!

 
Again, that address is tcpnews (at) live (com).
 
 
Bal’mere  would be great.  I want to get crabs there…uh, what I mean is…you know!

Argghh!  One more time:   tcpnews (at) live (dot) com.

@Baked: I can’t rule out Santa Fe until RedManLaw weighs in with an explanation as to how we will not get our heads blown off while camping with the turkeys. There’s something very enticing to me about the idea of a campfire in New Mexico of CPers electing delegates, denouncing the GOP, smoking pot, and drinking copious amounts of wine while RML and Prom attend to the freshly-caught fish on the fire and we get crystal (not meth, you crazy queens!) /infused water/reiki adjustments on our central nervous systems.
 
On the other hand….John Waters…Baltimore…are there two cities that are more polar opposites than B’more and Santa Fe? I love both places, having been to both, but seriously there aren’t two places in US America more different.
 
 
Jesus, I feel like Sophie trying to choose between my kids.
 

Can we go to a ballgame at Camden Yards?
Oh rptrcub, by the way, a terrible mistake has been made.  We meant to trade for Chipper Jones, not Andruw.  I’m sure you’ll understand and take the fat fuck Andruw back.
 
 
 
 
 

Santa Fe does not anything as cool as Baltimore Psychobilly on Bazooka Radio:
http://www.youstream.fm/radio/Bazooka%20Radio
More later.  Working . . .
 
 

Wow.  I found my old 80’s punk band on myspace (recordings from after I dropped back in from being a drop out).
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=37397145

@SanFranLefty: Honestly, I prefer Santa Fe, despite the minor logistical challenges, and my second choice would be SFO because it’s an easy hop from Sandy Eggo. (And heck, I’m always stuck there on my biannual flights to Eugene…) Baltimore is conceptually interesting, but I can’t commit until I see how the details work out.

@redmanlaw: Spin named us one of the Worst Bands in America in 1992 for our “Wite-Out is Milk” video, but alas it’s not memorialized online. And yes, we lobbied for it.

@ lefty - the camping and fishing in the mountains will be separate from the  shooting in the desert.  None of my shooting friends have died pursuing the sport, although a photographer buddy got a quarter moon cut around his eye from a rifle scope because his face was too close when he fired.  We patched his androgynous ass up out at the range and he got all kinds of macho cred at the paper for his red badge of courage  He was way proud of his 100 yd bullseye as well, a tribute to the great instruction and supurb collector’s level firearms used.
 
You may want to hit Ten Thousand Waves or the Ojo Caliente hot springs for the full spa thing.  No links provided.  It’s late.

SFL, Baked, Santa Fe, its what you want, trust me.  Banish all thought of firearm accidents.  Think of the stars in the desert sky.
Bring on the psychobilly; “Its Martini Time” could be the theme song of the event.

@Dodgerblue: Hell to the naw.

@nojo: Bawlmer is interesting in a trashy, campy, disgustingly swampy hot (worse than DC!) way.

I’d have to put in a vote for somewhere West, but even so I may not be able to attend.  If it were in SF some time in late July or early August, that could coincide well with a trip I have vaguely planned down the coast while I can still afford gasoline.

Baltimore is perfect in every way. the abandoned buildings, burnt out cars, squalor and garbage blowing in the wind.

@FlyingChainSaw
It’s Detroit, with a bullet, or six.
 

@promnight: Think of the stars in the desert sky.

Actually, now I’m thinking of evening The Aristocrats! contests under the influence of peyote.

I’d vote for B’more as the location for the winter Inaugural Ball - way too hot and muggy in summer. I could definitely make San Fran or SD, probably do Santa Fe depending on timing - and the promise of indoor plumbing availability on any outings.

Not LA?  But LA is the center of everything! We could have a Botox party at the same time!

Cynica on her last visit to Santa Fe:
http://www.aliceklauber.museumartistsfoundation.org/Retouched/Alice%20&%20Burros%20copy.jpg

@RML: LOL. No insult intended to the city of Santa Fe, where all mod cons are of course available. However, the word “campfire” was used in a previous post. The princess in me gets very nervous when the word camp (or any variation thereof) is used in a manner that does not refer to John Waters movies or drag queens. It almost always involves something without air conditioning or bathrooms and with bugs and poison ivy. I don’t do bushes in any since of the word!

@redmanlaw: Or you could have gotten really nasty and linked to a Georgia O’Keeffe painting…

@Cynica: Princesses must be coddled. It sounds like many of us like the idea of Santa Fe because it shouldn’t be scorchingly hot, certainly not humid, and poison ivy is probably not very common in the high desert. Don’t know what the bugs are like, but dry climates tend not to produce the worst combination of large/biting/flying.

I love camping (in the outdoors way), but it doesn’t always have to be so rough. If we can lure you out to a campfire I promise to dig you a latrine if it comes down to it — a two-holer, one to use as a bidet. We can set up a fancy silk tent around it and hook up a solar shower for washing hands and other parts. And when you tire of the campfire a designated driver can take you back to the hotel. Best of both worlds!

I once had to answer the call of nature while camping in the desert, on a dark, moonless night, so I took my trusty trowel and a flashlight and stepped off behind a cluster of bushes, no more than 50 feet from the tent, I am sure, and when I was done, started to walk in the direction I thought was home, but this required zig-zagging through the underbrush, and suddenly nothing looked familiar, and then I literally “got turned around” from following this crooked, path, and suddenly I hadn’t the faintest idea what direction to go, no idea at all.  Normally, you understand, I know that kinda thing.  So thats how I learned what the word “disorientated” means.  And “panic.”
So my advice is, never wander too far from the campfire.

Camping used to be rough, but ever since the advent of baby wipes, its downright luxurious.  Baby wipes make life worth living when you’re camping.

The Pinot Noir Caucus will be HQ’d here. 
http://www.tenthousandwaves.com

Some of the rest of us call pull cold beers out of the stream with our fish blood covered hands, mix G and Ts on the tailgate at dusk,  check steaks for doneness by flashlight and toddle off to the tent after a cigar and single malt nightcap.

@Pedo: Thanks for understanding, darling. See, straight boys? This is why we love the gays.

On a monthlong journey down Baja, hubby and I brought an air mattress, good sheets, a huge mosquito net, and yes, throw pillows. (Not to mention a “wine cellar”, or big plastic moving box stuffed with carefully wrapped and padded bottles.) Plenty of baby wipes, of course, though I prefer to call them “moist towelettes”. The times we went all out, our tent looked like a fucking Pasha’s Palace. That, my friends, is camping in both senses of the word at the same time.

@ cyn - we cannot compete with their aesthetics and production values.  They are “Iron Man” whilst we are ”Speed Racer” in that crucial part of life.  /smashes beer can against head, triggering a fart/

You and Mrs RML are like sisters on the Roughing It thing

@Tommm: Can we make that Botox Beach Party, and still have a big bonfire?

I want a fucking monthlong journey, goddammit, anyfucking where, I have not had 2 weeks in a row off in 10 fucking years and I am going fucking crazy.  Maybe some of you noticed, about the crazy thing.  Monthlong trip, a monthlong trip?  Holy fuck, what a fucking dream that would be to me.  Goddamnit pedo you have simultaneously depressed and angered me.  Fuck shit fuck.
RML,  I am more than game for the scenario you paint, I lust for it, down to the cigars and single malts.

Speaking of why we love the gays, I saw Christian Siriano at the BWI Rail Station last night! It was late, around 10 pm, and I was at the ticket counter trying to swap my ticket for something earlier. He used one of the automated machines, and after he’d left I asked the woman behind the counter if she watched “Project Runway,” and if she had any idea who just bought a ticket. She was completely beside herself, and got on the PA to coyly offer her congratulations.  Sadly, he was on the northbound train, but it was fun to get a quick glimpse of the little (shorter than me!) guy.

Sorry prom, but keep in mind that was actually the first month of a year-long sojourn down there, after that first month we pretty much stayed in one place, and it only happened because I got laid off after trying hard to find a new job for six months, and then I said, fuck you US America, I think we should “take a break”.

And cashed out every bit of equity/savings I had, which was just enough to live on for that year and then we had to start over pretty much from scratch. Which is why I have no significant savings or 401K to speak of,  to invest in the Ark. And now probably negative equity in my bubble house for the forseeable future, so it was probably a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Much easier to do when you don’t have kids or pets, Mr. Pedo really took some convincing as it was–we’d only been together a year at that time. Still, if you get the opportunity and you can get Mrs. Prom to go along with your crazy scheme, I highly recommend it.

@mellbell: I actually squealed when I read that. Love him!

i’m having my hair cut on thursday and a vet appt. on monday. other than that i have no other plans whatsoever.
am available to show up wherever….
except LA. sorry rev,…LA. bleccchhh
a campfire with this twisted group, drunk, doing the aristocrats? that does sound entertaining. that’s when i fell in love with sarah silverman.
fun fact: my proudest moment as a feminist is the fact that i attended the first friars club roast they let women into. there were 10 of us. and they’re so raunchy and sexist that this was in the 80’s!  now the women are rockin’ the raunch at the friars club. sarah? lisa lampanelli? trash mouth goddesses. i’ll play!

cyn,
and after that, i’ll be in the hotel, in the suite next to yours.

@ baked - the Hacienda at the Hotel Santa Fe is said to attract an A-List clientle, i.e., Gov. Terminator, various actors (although most rent a spacious pad while here as did Mr and Mrs Spider-Man).  Christian Bale will be here shooting Terminator 4. Paul Bettany and Jennifer Connelly (ahem - are you listening Prom?) are here now.   Breaking Bad is produced in NM.  Mrs RML keeps on top of this and we can recommend digs with a fair chance of a lobby celeb sighting.
http://www.crewnewmexico.com/who_is_filmimg_now/wfn.php?next_page=0

Pedo, I think you may have hit on why the pigfuckers hate teh gay marriages so much.  Whats gay marriage?  Two incomes, no kids, plush pillows, 600-thread count sheets, musical theater, and fabulousity.  Whats the typical pig-fuckers life?  A trailer filled with squaling, dirty little morons, endless meals of cereal, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and hot dogs, all bought with food stamps.  For self-expression and style, all they’ve got is Nascar t-shirts, big belt buckles, and silver naked ladies on their pickup’s mud flaps.

They’re fucking jealous.

@promnight: To really confuse yourself, try relating to gay NASCAR fans (yes, they exist, down here in the Red States). Though I can understand the Jeff Gordon fascination.

Hey!  Megan used to pimp the silver naked lady mudflap sector of the economy in her old job.  Respect!

@ r-cub - Gay NASCAR fans . . . /mind reels /.  I’ll see if I can dig up a conservative gay gun blog I came across one day for you.   

@ Prom - I’m sure you seen the racist anti-Obama PF story in the Washington Post. 

@prom, RML:  Things are getting weird around here just before the Kentucky primary.  On Sunday, I saw an old rusted-out Ford F-150 with silver naked lady mudflaps, for real, and a union bumpersticker…and a Hillary Clinton bumpersticker.  Like I said, it’s getting weird in Kentucky.  Bizarro World.

@ragingmonk: As the saying goes, “Keep Louisville weird.” (Yes, Austin, we copied it from you — get over it.) My sister and brother-in-law got in to see Senator Unicorn last night (my brother would’ve been there, too, were it not for work), and I’m hope-ful that he’ll tighten it up in the next week. Anything in the area of 60-40 would be respectable.

@RML: You should check out the gay rodeo in Oklahoma City.

@RML: Oh, we have our own chapter of the Pink Pistols down here. And the racism tip, we have one of our own retards in Cobb County selling Obama = Monkey T’s and donating the proceeds to Jerry’s Kids.

reds,
the hacienda looks extremely smurfy. i’m all in, do we have dates for this thing. i want to reserve my room!

@ cynica - Warning:  Geek Humor - I was researching the Indian Gaming Regulatory Act using its acronym and came up with the “International Gay Rodeo Association”  on google.

@ r- cub :  Pink Pistols rock.  I should become an NRA instructor and teach gays, minorities, hippies, wimmins, Messicans, Ay-rabs, etc. to shoot.  (”Jerry’z Kidz” was a contemporary of my old band “No Punx” in the 80s Albuquerque punk scene, btw.) 

Here’s a real “pink pistol”.  http://www.gunblast.com/Charter-PinkB.htm

A right-wing gay gun nut’s blog:
http://alphecca.com/

Big Gay Al’s Big Gay (Gun) Blog:
http://mygunblog.blogspot.com/
(cool name, but not as entertaining as the above)

I really need to get my own “gun owning, hunting, fishing, liberal Democrat/Anti-Republican, snarky family guy metalhead Indian lawyer” thing going on the web.  Readership:  1.

… aaaand there goes what’s left of my lunch hour.

@mellbell:  60%-40% Hilz is indeed a good show for Obama here in the KY state.  (Others can make the puns about our state abbreviation.)