We kid, of course. This race won’t be over until Unicorn takes the oath of office with one hand raised and the other on his Koran, with Hillbot glaring from the gallery like Elizabeth Taylor in General Hospital.

Meantime, unless the Politburo steps in with something legitimate, here’s an open Oregon/Kentucky primary thread to enjoy your Pyrrhic victory and drown your sorrows. Polls close in the Beaver State (yes! really!) at 11 p.m. Eastern, but the Daily Show is in reruns this week, so you have no excuse not to suffer Tweety for the duration, or watch John King accidentally flick the top off Mt. Hood and start a new volcano.

Fashion note: Yes, Oregonians wear socks with their Birks. Deal with it.