Florida Governor Charlie Crist is a big McCain supporter and totally not gay. Like, at all. He has a girlfriend, people, why won’t you just shut up! Everyone knows he likes pussy! He really, really likes pussy! And he’d kinda like to be Vice President, too, which is why he is totally, absolutely not gay, like, not even a little bit. And this freak of Republican nature ought to know, he’s got a sex tape of Crist fucking a girl. Well, I mean, they’re not exactly fucking, they’re sort of tenderly making out in an elevator and somehow Roger Stone got the footage and it’s not all all meant to kill the rumors that Crist is gay and, God knows, a gay man would never make out with a woman, ever, which is why I always think it’s so odd to find so many straight guys when I go out to gay bars but then I’m making out so what do I care?

The Dirty Trickster [The New Yorker]
Gov. Crist’s Elevator Smooch and The Vice Presidency [The Hill]