I’m as excited as anyone about our nation having it’s first half-white Presidential Nominee, but I have nothing to contribute on that topic right now. I also have an unhealthy obsession with the misdeeds of Catholic priests stemming from a childhood spent in a Boston-area Catholic School. Anyway, Father Michael Pfleger, who recently mocked Hillary Clinton for crying because it’s humiliating to get beat by a black person, is taking a leave from his Priesting on the order of Chicago’s Cardinal. The Archdioceses ordered him to “step back from his obligations,” which I assume means he can’t preach, pray, kneel, make other people kneel, go to heaven, send people to hell, or hold inquisitions. I’m guessing he is still able to make fun of white women, as this is a God-given right of all Americans, since it was put in the Constitution after John Adams livened up Philadelphia with jokes about Abigail’s fat ass and terrible driving. Anyway, I did some reading on Pfleger’s past, and it turns out he is the best and should be Pope. Here’s why:

Vandalism:

Under Pfleger’s leadership, the community of Saint Sabina demanded the shutdown of a number of Auburn Gresham businesses specializing in drug paraphernalia. Pfleger’s parish also campaigned for the removal of tobacco and alcohol billboards from their neighborhood. When billboard owners refused to cooperate in the early 1990s, Pfleger and others decided to climb ladders and deface the signs. Pfleger was charged with destruction of private property but was acquitted by a jury in 1991.

Prostitutes!:

2000: Pays prostitutes to listen to the gospel.

Threats:

May 2007: Tells a south suburban gun-shop owner: ‘We’re going to find you and snuff you out. Like a rat, you’re going to hide. But, like a rat, we’re going to catch you and pull you out.’

Benedict and his Nazi Youth have nothing on this guy.

Priest Who Mocked Clinton Suspended From Parish [CNN]
Father Michael Pfleger Through the Years [Chicago Sun-Times]