Name: Jonah Goldberg (aka “Doughy Pantload”, Doughbob Loadpants)

Wingnut Welfare By: National Review Online

Claim to Fame: Spawn of the hideous Lucianne Goldberg (enabler of Linda Tripp)

Sample Wankery (circa Feb. 2005):

Anyway, I do think my judgment is superior to [Professor Juan Cole's] when it comes to the big picture. So, I have an idea: Since he doesn’t want to debate anything except his own brilliance, let’s make a bet. I predict that Iraq won’t have a civil war, that it will have a viable constitution, and that a majority of Iraqis and Americans will, in two years time, agree that the war was worth it. I’ll bet $1,000 (which I can hardly spare right now). This way neither of us can hide behind clever word play or CV reading. If there’s another reasonable wager Cole wants to offer which would measure our judgment, I’m all ears. Money where your mouth is, doc.

I’m sure he’ll write a column shortly apologizing for being wrong about everything.

BONUS Shorter Jonah Goldberg (courtesy of Elton Beard): 

The job of conservatives is to obstruct the creation of the liberal society that most Americans really want.