When they aren’t out, respectively, soliciting adulterous, anonymous gay sex in public bathrooms, adulterously fucking hookers and forcing them to participate in unholy sexual perversions, Senators Larry Craig and David Vitter are protecting the American institution of marriage.

Again, Republicans are taking a stand for normalcy in a nation besieged by wanton perversion and relentless self-indulgence. Thank God, these heroes of the hour are not afraid to stand up to weirdness.

This week, NOT-Gay Senator Larry Craig stopped sucking cock long enough to sign onto the `Marriage Protection Amendment’ that would outlaw marriages of men to men and women to women. “Gay marriage? Disgusting!” said Sen. Craig while wiping the spooge from his chin. David Vitter also signed on to sponsor the proposed constitutional amendment. Appearing at the sponsorship press conference in a conservative and traditional overnight diaper, Senator Vitter said, “Moo, moo make me hard in the pants,” after reaching into his full, sagging diaper and wiping his feces all over his face and mouth.

Moved to tears by this testimony to the sanctity of marriage, Senator Craig concluded, “You know, when you are on your knees in a parking lot in the middle of the night, sucking off a shitfaced truck driver who throws up on top of your head, well, hey, you know there is nothing in this world that can make you appreicate marriage more.” The other 8 sponoring senators stared ahead blankly considering the comment briefly before knodding their heads in knowing agreement.