Taser madness is spreading to schools, with one Pennsylvania district meeting this month to consider giving school police tot toasters to keep the little savages in line and teach them from an early age that quivering, deferrential passivity is the key to minimizing pain and torture.

The Tribune-Review reported that there were yelps of protest at the recent Uniontown Area School Board meeting from simpering surrender monkeys who don’t understand that America is at total fucking war with Al Qaeda, with junkies and with kids who threaten our way of life by spitting milk in the lunch room.

Cynics’ Party waits for the final victory over public education mayhm: the crossing guard sniper to quell the scourge of crossing against the light that menaces America.