LIMBAUGH: Good for Camel Constipation

Fascist drug-addicted, impotent, multiply divorced alleged pederast and radio hatecaster Rush Limbaugh taunted the cancer-striken wife of failed Democratic presidential candidate and RFK impersonator John Edwards, commenting that if she was busier giving head, Edwards wouldn’t have had sex and procreated with a space alien.

Rush Limbaugh: John Edwards Affair is Elizabeth’s Fault [The Hollywood Gossip]

Your Cynics’ Party correspondent searched for an epithet to describe an agent who would direct such evil and hateful comments at Elizabeth Edwards, a women who was worrying about her kids having a mum to see them grow up, and we  paused at ’sackless bag of shit’ because even shit and bags, present or absent, have a purpose.

Limbaugh defies all definition and every explaination. Every possible evolutionary rationale that could explicate the emergence of such a monstrous freak eludes us. God and fortune has a reason for all creatures - except Limbaugh. Or so we thought. In our reverie, we looked up in distraction at a Discovery Channel special on North African Bedouins. One poor deesert trader was stymied by a serious affliction that had halted his camel: mortal constipation.

The animal hadn’t had a bowel movement in three weeks and was failing physically, almost losing the ability to stand. The driver was crying and shouting, trying to dig out the howling creature with a mop handle, kitchen utensils and his bare hands. Here is something that Limbaugh could be used for: slick up his fat head and neck with bacon fat and plunge him up and back into a camel’s asshole until it provokes peristalsis and the animal can defecate. Yes, friends and Cynics, there is an evolutionary rationale for Limbaugh and there is something his apparently worthless life could do for the good: camel enema.

 Loading ...