John McCain (left) spews insane gibberish while Barack Obama (right) tries to get a word in edgewise.

This is not meant to be partisan, it’s just a fact: every time John McCain opens his mouth, somewhere, a new-born baby kitten is smashed to death with a giant rubber mallet. It’s true. I’ve been watching it happen all night. The only thing more punishing than watching that debate is watching that debate while trying to be funny on a live blog.The teevee pundits (minus that libtard whiner Olbermann) all agree that Old Out to Lunch walked away with the victory even though Obama managed to seem more presidential. And they’re right.

Let’s face it. Seeming like a statesman isn’t exactly a feat when you’re sharing a stage with Assy McGeezer while he’s waving his arms and shouting about how a diplomatic mission to Iran would precipitate a second Holocaust. Anyone whose ever been shouted down by a crazy old relative at the Thanksgiving table knows how Obama must be feeling tonight. No doubt he’s right now telling Michelle something along the lines of, “I swear I would have punched him, but he’s just so fucking old.”

But, in the end I think this is probably a net gain for Obama. Next time he’ll know that McCain is going to come out swinging - and by swinging, I mean obsessively ranting about earmarks while drool dribbles out the right side of his mouth. McCain’s not going to top this performance and when he’s still saying the same things he said tonight three weeks from now, he’ll have revealed himself to be more-or-less a one trick – that trick being the oldest living survivor of the Jackson admistration.

Barry’s gotta step it up a little bit though. And if McCain is going to continue to be this crazy and condescending, politeness alone isn’t going to do the trick. He has to up the irony and the sarcasm. Tonight everyone thought Barry was going to be the condescending one. He doesn’t have to be a dick, but our buddy from Chicago definitely needs to start making fun Old Straight Talk a little bit. Get the laughs Barry, and you’ll get the White House.