This is Kurt Beck, who leads the Social Democratic Party (SPD) in Germany and is most likely to run for Prime Minister against the current incumbent Angela Merkel. He’s 50 points behind her in likeability polls, so he’s going to shave his beard for charity. He just, um, doesn’t know what charity yet. He wants a million Euro to do it, but, he says:

“It must be serious and not turn into a spectacle. The event would have to help the really needy.”

Obviously, Germany is way more concerned with the problems of weird beards than the creeping problem of obesity.

German politician may auction his beard [Reuters]

John McCain is still abroad this weekend. He spent a few days gallivanting around the Middle East, trying to get captured by Islamofascists so he could tell us more stories about how getting tortured is hard. Now, he and his family are in Great Britain. In the past, McCain has claimed that he is descended both from Robert the Bruce, who was in the movie Braveheart, and Charlemagne, who was French. This however, is probably not true.

Let’s set aside the issue that John Kerry wasn’t allowed to seem even a little bit French, while Vieil Homme Confus™ is promenading around claiming he’s a French emperor at the same time that the French call him Sénateur Tête Brûlée, or Senator Hothead.
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Sometimes, a man needs to rant. For beloved commenter Hotsauce, today is that day. We do like to be service-y, particularly if there is profanity and an abiding hatred of someone we don’t really like involved.

George W. Bush is a lying, draft-dodging, warmongering, piece-of-shit little douchebag. He and his cohorts used the fear and uncertainty that followed the tragedy of September 11, 2001 to dupe a good portion of the country into supporting the illegal invasion of a sovereign nation. He claimed it was to fight terrorism, yet he chose the one nation in the region that was not a safe haven for Islamic extremists (at least not until after he invaded it).

There are many theories as to why the idiot boy king chose to invade Iraq rather than go after Al-Qeaeda, and I’m sure it had nothing to do with the friendship and business relationship between his family and the bin Ladens. Some speculate that Bush invaded Iraq because Saddam Hussein ordered the assassination of the Dubya Daddy, and Junior did it for revenge. Some say it was for the oil, some say it was because insecure little Georgie wanted a legacy.

I say it was because this pathetic little puppet was so beholden to those who helped get him into the position of the most powerful person on the planet (at least, it was before he got hold of the job) and, when they wanted a return on their investments, a war economy was the only way to give it to them. That, and the overpowering delusions of grandeur that have been spoon-fed to him since he was a spoiled, drunk-driving, draft-dodging, coke fiend of a cheerleader in his early 20s.

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Below is a big shiny gift that arrived in my inbox this morning. I would love to take credit for this one, but I:

a) Don’t read Japanese, b) like fellow Cynic BeRightBack way too much to not give him props and, oh yeah, c) I didn’t write it.

So after the jump, please welcome BeRightBack’s first post for Cynics’ Party. The kid has got talent, no? He is just as sparkly as Brad Pitt’s purple sequined dress.

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