Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert quit his job last November after fucking up pretty much everything there was to fuck up. He did everything from helping to preside over the Great Blowjob Scandal of 1998 to covering up for GOP kid-toucher Mark Foley. And now, in a final fuck you, his constituents, in a special election, filled his seat with a Demoncrat.

Bwah fucking ha.

But don’t think the GOP didn’t try hard … the word “Republican” was flashing on many of the Diebold machines used in the special election.

Round 1 To Foster (Beacon News)

Commenter Tommmcatt Redux posts a comment that deserves to be a post:

THE PAULTARD

Once upon a midnight dreary,
While I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a crackpot policy, and vaguely racist lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`’Tis some pollster,’ I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.’

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak march ender,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished for morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From Obama ‘cease of sorrow – sorrow for our native shore -
For our rare and radiant country, from mountain hills to rocky shore-
Nameless here for evermore.

Read the rest of this entry »

Who will Wonkette kick around now?

Acknowledging that it would be impossible for him to win the White House, Ron Paul encouraged supporters to continue the “revolution” they started as he signaled the end to his presidential campaign.

The Texas Republican congressman addressed supporters in a 7 1/2-minute video on his campaign Web site. Thursday night.

The video did not explicitly say Paul was dropping from the presidential race, although he acknowledged it is mathematically impossible for the long-shot candidate to overtake John McCain’s delegate lead.

“Though victory in the conventional political sense is not available in the presidential race, many victories have been achieved due to your hard work and enthusiasm,” Paul said, thanking his supporters. “We must remember elections are short term efforts, revolutions are long-term projects.”

Will this be enough to get us some Paultard activity?

Paul Signals Drop From Presidential Race [Raw Story]
graphic swiped from Serolf Divad

The Inevitable Democratic Nominee:

Hillary Rodham Clinton, fresh off a campaign saving comeback, hinted Wednesday at the possibility of sharing the Democratic presidential ticket with Barack Obama - with her at the top. Obama played down his losses, stressing that he still holds the lead in number of delegates, and referred to talk of a joint ticket as “premature.”

Of course, if you throw in the Minnesota Michigan and Florida voters, Hillary is ahead, barely.  Listening to the Brian Lehrer show now, and he’s putting Obama and Clinton supporters on together.  It sounds like fucking Jerry Springer.  All hail Preznit McCain.

The Confused Old Man^TM is headed to Washington DC today to receive the blessing of the Worst President Ever:

When McCain arrives at the White House’s North Portico at 9 a.m. (PST) today to officially receive Bush’s blessing as the party’s choice to replace him, a pool of photographers will be on hand. And no doubt each will be hoping for a repeat of that ‘04 show of affection.

It probably won’t happen; indeed, in light of Bush’s approval ratings, McCain likely will make sure it doesn’t. Still, their get-together will offer a reminder of the strange twists … the political road can take.

I’m sure that will work out very well for him.

And remember - Ron Paul is still in it to win it.

Warmonger and noted lobbyist fucker Senator John McCain (R-AZ) conceded the fall election yesterday to turban-wearing Barry Hussein Obama:

John McCain said Monday that to win the White House he must convince a war-weary country that U.S. policy in Iraq is succeeding. If he can’t, “then I lose. I lose,” the Republican said.

He quickly backed off that remark. 

Poor John.  To win he and his bloodthirsty geriatric supporters have to sell us the Iraq war (again), and that’s just not going to happen.  Most of the American people are sick and tired of the Dear Leader’s fake war.  Later, McCain was desperate enough to say that the war “will be over soon.”  John, you confused old fart, don’t you understand that the Boy King and the Dark Lord are planning to stay there forever?  They’re going to fake a terrorist attack (with luck it’ll be Houston) just before the election, declare martial law, and then … four more wars!
[Raw Story]

Hillary Clinton explains to reporters where it is that babies come from.

Most of you were probably busy yesterday preparing for your Oscar celebrations. Roasting red peppers for your goat cheese crostini. Finishing the hem on your Christian Soriano inspired bitch pants so that you could rip into every hideous starlet dress (Sarah Lawson’s - George Clooney’s “girlfriend” - ode to a 5 year old girls bed linens) and horrible haircut (courtesy phone for Renee Zellweger and her Flowbee). So you may have missed this little gem of a Frank Rich column in the New York Times comparing Hillary’s campaign to the war in Iraq and Swampsow to Hail to the Chimp. It is a bit long but worth a read.

At least we know that when she has her Mission Accomplished moment her ample nut sack will not require any extra padding in her flight suit. [New York Times]

Barry Hussein Obama, the Islamunofascist candidate for the Democrat nomination for the presidency of these here Yew-nited States (even the red ones) has won 10 primaries in a row (11 if you count that expatriate beauty contest). Hillary has to do something. Apparently, that something is to act completely fucking unhinged:

“Shame on you, Barack Obama,” Clinton said angrily when talking to reporters after a rally in a technical college gym here. “It is time you ran a campaign consistent with your messages in public. That’s what I expect from you,” she said, calling on Obama to repudiate and stop the mailings, which she waved demonstratively.

“Meet me in Ohio. Let’s have a debate about your tactics,” she said, calling the mailings “tactics that are right out of Karl Rove’s playbook.”

Hillary Hillary Hillary … this is not a good look for you. Look - I like you - I even voted for you in the NY primary because Rob Reiner told me to. But this foot stomping frothing-at-the-mouth shit is not going to work. What will? I haven’t a clue, but you’ve got to get a grip.

HRC: ‘Shame on you Barack Obama’ [The Politico].

“Follow me around, I don’t care … I’m serious. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead. They’d be very bored.”

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Or perhaps Happy Kwanzaa would be more appropriate.

Look, I am not going to lie - I have always kind of liked* Al Sharpton for probably the same reasons why so many people dislike him. He’s loud. He talks about issues of race and racism. He can make people of his own race feel just as uncomfortable as he makes some white people feel. I mean, the man has talent.

So it was no surprise to me that he is the only one talking any sense at all about this whole “seating the Florida and Michigan delegates” issue. I also find it amusing that the Republicans are STILL mad at him, because even though what Al is talking about hurts Swampsow, which you would think they would like, they actually want Swampsow to win this round so that she can then get the nomination because then they think they might actually be able to beat her with old man McCain. Confused yet? God, what kind of fucked up place do we live in? Is it time to drink yet? These questions are more relevant every day.

*Oh course by “liked” I mean that fucked up liberal way where I like black people in theory until I am actually around them and then I am all uncomfortable. Duh!