The question, my gentle snowflakes, is whether there will be another federal flood.

CNN sez that neither the Dear Leader nor the Dark Lord will attend the convention so they can deal with Gustav.  Well that’ll fix fucking everything!

But Attaturk tells me that Larry Craig (tap tap tap) has arrived at the convention.

Finally - I forget where I heard it, but the “K” hurricane this year will be Hurricane Kyle.

Who the fuck calls a hurricane “Kyle”?

Apparently, I’m not the only one who is stockpiling urine. Protesters in Denver are allegedly planning some scatological warfare.

Denver firefighters have learned of a house full of urine being stored to throw at police. An internal memo is warning first responders that disgusting acts are a significant concern.

Protesters in other cities have used urine and feces filled balloons to throw at police and there are concerns that could happen during the Democratic National Convention in Denver.

Do any of you people live in Denver? If so, we need to find that house!

[KJCT News]

Isn’t is cute when they act like it’s their country (and their oil)?

BAGHDAD — Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al Maliki raised the possibility that his country won’t sign a status of forces agreement with the United States and will ask U.S. troops to go home when their U.N. mandate to be in Iraq expires at the end of the year.

Maliki made the comment after weeks of complaints from Shiite Muslim lawmakers that U.S. proposals that would govern a continued troop presence in Iraq would infringe on Iraq’s sovereignty.

Silly Prime Minister! Careful what you say, or Uncle Dick will shoot you in the face.

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It sounds all really fucking exciting, right? And, so it would be if it had anything to do with tapping our phones, unconstitutional searches, the shady and unethical march to war, torturing people, holding people without trials or a right to counsel but, lolz, fuck you, no, that shit’s going to keep going down for quite a while now and don’t you be looking for the Anarchist’s Handbook or whatever the fuck it’s called at your local library because you will get your very own nifty FBI file. Luckily, because I’m a shitty typist, mine says I’m 54″ instead of 5′4″ so they’re looking for a seditious little person as I saunter on by in my 4″ heels and, yes, that is how I justify my shoe obsession fuckyouverymuch.

Anyway, so, right, the government done fucked up. Like, bad. It turns out that appointing judges is in the Constitution or something? It’s probably in between saying that black people count for 3/5ths of a person and the part about women not being able to vote at all, so I don’t hold it in some sort of überreverence or anything anyway, but yeah, apparently only the President, the courts and Cabinet Secretaries are allowed to appoint judges. But, since Bill Daley was, like, busy and shit back in ‘99 trying to register dead people or something to eventually vote for Barack Obama, Congress passed a law to let the director of the Patent and Trademark Office appoint judges and, today, 46 of 74 judges were appointed by the PTO guy who isn’t Constitutionally enabled to do so. What it means is that the thousands of cases decided by patent courts since about 2000 might be completely invalid. Whoops! It’s just millions of dollars at stake and no one disagrees that the government fucked up utterly, but whatevs, it’s just par for the course, right?

Or else maybe we’ll get lucky and once the courts start declaring some unConstitutional shit the Administration has done actually unconstitutional. Just kidding! The Guantanamo detainees already tried that shit and it didn’t fly. If the Supreme Court stops taking turns licking Cheney’s balls clean of the blood and viscera of the infants he’s devoured the flesh off of and then skull-fucked, he gets really, really angry. And no one wants to see Cheney angry.

In One Flaw, Questions on Validity of 46 Judges [NY Times]

Remember when Gerald Ford died and it took about fourteen weeks to bury him? This Papal visit is looking equally interminable. And Pope Ratzi hasn’t even gotten to NYC yet to fuck up our traffic. Of course, the Secret Service is involved, which means your tax dollars are paying part of the cost of this mass of feelgoodiness.

But before you let the fawning news coverage get you all misted up, remember who we’re dealing with here:

Ratzinger is on record as believing that Vatican II was a mistake because the Church entered into a dialogue with society rather than holding itself apart from “a progressive process of decadence”.

In interviews, he has fumed about the laity that no longer allowed priests to run their lives, women ignoring their most important functions as virgins and mothers and the widespread failure to believe in the devil.

More after the jump.

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