8:45 pm - Well, here we are with exactly 15 minutes before this horror show begins. All three networks are on break, but I can’t help but point out, again, that Keith Olbermann is one annoying, annoying motherfucker.

8:59 pm - Countdown is coming to an end here, thank God, but he just cut to Chris Matthews and he looks like some kind of deranged Mr. Rogers. I can’t pay attention to what he’s talking about.

Be there.

“I want to hit you in the face so bad right now.”

Thank god there’s another debate. There’s so much to talk about, like how Obama hates white people and poor people and people who have jobs and god and America. As for me, I’m getting ready to go on a massive old-people-and-babies tour of various cities where my family lives, so this one’s up to you guys. Discuss.

You may have missed it because you actually have a life or something, but Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton had another debate this evening in Texas. Hillary had been itching for an opportunity to go toe to toe with the Illinois Senator and, now that the dust has settled, it’s easy to see why she was so eager to debate. At first, Barack was mostly doing his very best to be all wonky and Clinton was hell-bent on bringing up Obama’s plagiarism non-scandal. And then, something amazing happened. Seriously guys, Hillary had a MOMENT. As the debate drew to a close, Hills got all emo and started talking about how she just wants to help America so, so bad because she loves God, and babies, and puppies, and stuff. It was some truly touching shit. After she spoke the crowd was applauding like crazy. They may have been cheering because the debate was over, but the bottom line is they were putting their hands together and making noise, and it was right after Hillary spoke. Is this going to be like when she cried? Is Clinton going to pull off a major comeback by being all touchy-feely from now until March 4th, or is her campaign way too far gone for that? I think if Hillary wants to win more pity primaries she’s going to need to up the ante. Merely getting misty-eyed may have been enough to put her over the edge the last time around, but now that Obama has won ten states in a row she should try pounding her fists on the floor and threatening to hold her breath until her face turns blue if people keep voting for her opponent. That just might do the trick.

Is it even possible that they’ll say anything we haven’t heard? Is it possible that I’ve run out of booze, tolerance, or the ability to stay awake? CNN has Hillary and Obama on at 8 pm ET. Whether they’ll have us or not depends on whether we can find this puppy, dinner and/or the requisite amount of alcohol by then, but we didn’t want to leave you kids alone all night.

If you happen to turn on CNN right now, you’ll see two liars, a fanatic and a nutcase (parse it however you want) sitting in front of a model airplane talking about the Reagan Revolution with the Terminator sitting in the audience.

WILL YOU MAKE THE TAX PERMANENT? DO YOU HATE MEXICANS OR DON’T YOU, SENATOR? GOVERNOR, YOUR REBUTTAL?

Also, Anderson Cooper has the ACTUAL REAGAN DIARY on his desk and is TOO NERVOUS TO TOUCH IT, because it is holy like the Bible. Also, if you’re watching on CNN.com, you get to see them all bum rush Nancy during the commercial breaks. The woman is 1000 years old.

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