As the global economy staggers on crazy legs and even rich people stop taking taxicabs in New York City, the McCain campaign, solidly losing for the first time, has struck back like a vicious, cornered animal in the run-up to tonight’s debate. We knew they were mean; the election until now had proved them to be brutally calculating and soulless. But with their chips literally down, McCain/Palin doesn’t have anything left to lose, and they’re cashing in on fear and hatred and sound bites.

They can’t talk about the economy, can’t offer any means of fixing it, or of denying their connection to it, and no one wants to talk about the Middle East. Harking on Rev. Wright runs the risk of reminding all the people they’ve convinced Obama is a Muslim that he is, in fact, a Christian.

So the McCain campaign has piped up their ridiculous focus on Obama’s association with Bill Ayers, a 63-year-old Professor of Education at the University of Illinois. Both were on the board of a community anti-poverty group eight years ago in Chicago. A very long time before that, in the Age of Aquarius, Ayers was part of the radical antiwar group the Weather Undergound. This is the man you’ve heard called a “terrorist” by no less than Potential-President-in-Waiting Sarah Palin (never forget).

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Hey Guys! Let’s all band together for Olds McCain and get ourselves some free toys. McCain is now offering prizes, like in the disgusting Crackerjack boxes he grew up on. Unfortunately, you can’t get free prizes by commenting on Cynics’ Party; you have to do is go over to some awful web site, like Red State or Dailykos, and say enough nice things about Mr. McCain that you earn your free ice scraper or bandanna. Like this:

“Dear Daily Kos, I think John McCain is the shit. Despite his oldiness, he has the guts to be a crazy, oil drilling man who will do anything short of waterboarding Barack Obama or making a good policy decision to get elected. I think this shows moxie, don’t you? Let’s elect John McCain ok Please for AMERICA!?
KTHXBAI! -Marcel”
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I didn’t even think that poor people were allowed to vote, and now the liberal media’s telling me that that bum I see making out with that other bum in the alley behind my house is allowed to participate in the electoral process. And some do-gooder in Denver is actually trying to get more homeless people to vote. Read the rest of this entry »

Tonight, Jess Ventura told Larry King that he wouldn’t be running for Senate this year, thus crushing the dreams of so many who are rooting for the 2008 Predator Power Grab.  I had hoped he would join California Governor Arnold Schwartzenegger and Senate candidate Sonny Landham in an elected triumvirate of men who are not afraid to stand up to invisible space aliens.  Unfortunately, Ventura sad he wasn’t going to put his family through another election, and then Larry King asked him about his favorite sock color or some shit.

ABC News

The GOP crime wave has bankrupted America, destroyed Iraq’s economy and infrastructure and now apparently menaces even San Bernardino, California as, county prosecutors allege, Republican operatives have co-opted the San Bernardino County assessor’s office and transformed it into part of the local GOP campaign machine, hiring phalanxes of goons to spend all their time on the office phones and computers chasing contributions.

Prosecutors are apparently circling in for the kill, putting the cuffs on one of the alleged GOP bag men allegedly employed by the assessor’s office, Adam Aleman [above], and charging him with six felonies, including presenting false evidence to a county grand jury and destroying public records, according to the Associated Press.

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Bobby Jindal, who is the Catholic Indian Republican Governor of Louisiana and possible VP choice for John McCain, has apparently claimed to have exorcised demons in his past, and to cure cancer as an ancillary benefit to the aforementioned exorcism. Here’s the exorcism’s climax, which would be good in a movie:

While Alice and Louise held Susan, her sister continued holding the Bible to her face. Almost taunting the evil spirit that had almost beaten us minutes before, the students dared Susan to read biblical passages. She choked on certain passages and could not finish the sentence “Jesus is Lord.” Over and over, she repeated “Jesus is L..L..LL,” often ending in profanities. In between her futile attempts, Susan pleaded with us to continue trying and often smiled between the grimaces that accompanied her readings of Scripture. Just as suddenly as she went into the trance, Susan suddenly reappeared and claimed “Jesus is Lord.”

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It looks like the Democrats are going to count half the votes from Michigan and Florida. This, of course, changes nothing.

The Democratic Party is likely to meet rule-breaking Florida and Michigan halfway when it comes to seating their delegates at the national convention, two members of the rules committee said Wednesday.

Such a move may help Sen. Hillary Clinton close the delegate gap with front-runner Sen. Barack Obama but not overtake him, said sources familiar with party deliberations.

Personally, I think that all of the delegates from Michigan and Florida should count double. These people had to vote way before we knew Obama was a Muslamic elitist, and they still got it right. [CNN]

While I know that some of you have bitched about Jezebel (and Crappy Hour) but someone I know has the cojones to not only wade in but stir shit up and not walk away with too many scars. Today in the comments, Spencer Ackerman asked the ladies to weigh in on whether Obama should choose a lady Veep (despite his personal hard-on for Jim Webb that I do not share), and as the resident nerd (and having nothing better to do than research this and watch TV, I weighed in and in and in. But all my analysis, in actual sentences and everything, is after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Obama, the magical candidate who manages to both be an effete elitist and the poorest candiate, picked up another Super Delegate. This is not a surprise, since the Superdelegates represent the antidemocratic upper class elites that are putting that Kenyan blue bloods into the White House despite the love of the people for humble, working class Hillary Clinton. Nancy Larson, of Dassel, Minnesota is probably like me in that she is throwing her vote Obama’s way specifically because he hates the middle class. She claims its because he has the best chance of winning in November, but we all know it’s because she’s from Minnesota, another state filled with aristocrats, just like Idaho, Wyoming, and Kansas. Just look at her! Only a rich person could afford to be so old. The poor die young, of bitterness. [Associated Press]

Here’s an email that that just came in from my father. He’s been a volunteer precinct captain for the Obama campaign in Texas.

from Terra Group to Greg Wasserstrom and others date Mon, Mar 31, 2008 at 11:08 AM subject We won in Texas!

Obama Win Appears Big in Texas Delegate Battle [McClatchy]
A Conventional Weekend [Texas Blue]