Failed first gentleman Bill ‘L’il Abner’ Clinton is reportedly all fucking weepy and needy and outraged that Senator Unicorn hasn’t called to apologize for calling out the Clinton campaign for the Atwater-esque White Power theatrics L’il Abner and Ma Clinton hurled at the Senator from Illinois during the primaries campaign.

One piece today in the UK Telegraph relates that L’il Abner is so “bitter” about Hilbot 9000’s loss that he is stomping around huffing and puffing that Obama is going to have to “kiss my ass” for his official seal of approval, naturally the most important thing in the world because everyone knows that every race involving a Democrat is just a referendum on whether or not one of the Clintons gives a fuck who you are and shows up at your fucking bean supper.

At first we thought, oh, boo-fucking-hoo, Bill feels he is just so tight with the Brothers and Sisters, it just bwoke his widdoo heart that a melanin-enhanced Senator Unicorn would point out the fact that the Hilbot 9000 Campaign and its proxies (including L’il Abnder) were making all kinds of noises pigeonholing Senator Unicorn variously as: a trivial black protest candidate; a young huckster trying to cash in on the young gifted and black thing; and a reputed though as yet unconfirmed Muslim fanatic ready to convert America to Islam at gunpoint the second he is inaugurated. Finally, Hilbot 9000 just came out and started ranting, fuck, I am the White Power candidate and you must vote for me because, of course, White America is so foamingly racist they will lynch Senator Unicorn at the polls.

Can they really be waiting for an apology from Senator Unicorn?

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Hilbot 9000 is ready to concede the Democratic Party nomination for the general election to Senator Unicorn but everything else is apparently on the table, including the Veepsidency, putting the presumptive Democratic presidential candidate in a real bind - forced to choose between Hilbot-directed defections to Psychogeezer by her dragoons or the specter of the Clintons attempting to hijack his White House.

On a conference call with Democratic supporters, ABC News reported today, the Hilbot 9000 said she would accept the Veep’s gig when offered - which is obvious code for, “I don’t get that offer and I send my pant-suited stormtroopers to vote for the Psychogeezer - and you are toast, fuckface.”

Although the Hilbot 9000’s campaign is demounting, it is clear the psychological warfare operation against the Obama campaign is well underway and gaining momentum. All through the campaign, Hilbot 9000 has made several twisted references to Obama’s possible death or assassination and borrowed from the play books of Lee Atwater and Karl Rove, insinuating variously that Obama was a muslim fanatic and siccing Geraldine Ferraro on him to call him an uppity darkie.

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NBC Nightly News Anchor Brian Williams has been hospitalized for severe embarrassment, shock and, doctor’s fear, terminal mortification after Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton interrupted him with the interjection, “hold the line, snuggybuns,” during an interview at a campaign whistlestop in Elizabeth, NJ .

Clinton had finished a beer chugging contest Thursday afternoon with 133 members of Labor’s International Union Local No. 392 during a whistlestop in her “I Lift My Leg to Fart Tour” of middle America when Williams tracked her down at Shack’s Barbeque on Grant Street where she was trading belches with other diners and pretending to laugh.

With typical aplomb, Clinton answered every question Williams proffered with a reference to her credentials as America’s own White Power Candidate, the Aryan Shegod who can protect this battered nation’s White People and lead them to a new, safer and whiter future. Then her cell phone rang. As Williams started his next question, Clinton held up a hand and said, “Hold the line, Snuggybuns. It’s L’il Abner. Hope he hasn’t gotten his cigar caught someplace again” before turning to answer the phone with a loving greeting to her husband, Bill, “Hey, asshole, who you fucking this morning? Something that walks on two legs, I hope.”

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If there is any indication how militarized and annihilationist American politics has become, it’s Hillary Clinton’s casual observation in an interview with ABC’s “Good Morning America” last week that she would “totally obliterate” Iran if it attacked Israel during her prospective presidency.

The Boston Globe, brain-dead after a savage takeover by the New Yotk Times company transformed an historically weak paper into a dreary shopper, noted correctly that this kind of crazy talk fuels rage against the US abroad and actually helps the Iranian crazies make their case for arming up.

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Cynics everywhere deride the candidacy of Hillary Clinton as the expression of one disturbed ego’s monomaniacal pursuit of that quaking orgasm of ultimate power: the presidency of the most heavily armed, most tyrannical outlaw state the world has ever feared. This assumes, however, the Hillbot 9000 is an autonomous agent, in fact, under her own control.

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The Texas Democratic Party released a surreptitiously recorded secret meeting between the Clinton Campaign managers and the Texas DNC operatives in which Hillary Clinton warned, “You fuck up my legacy and I rip your fucking arms off and beat you to the fuck to death with the wet ends” if the Texas’ delegate selection process fails to annoint her as the Democratic candidate for the General Election in November. Read the rest of this entry »