Newt Gingrich: Idiot. Asshole.

GINGRICH: Well, I got a very funny e-mail from a retired military officer in Tampa who pointed out that most tire inflation is done at service stations and you pay for it. And it’s actually a higher profit margin than selling gasoline. So Sen. Obama was urging you to go out and enrich Big Oil by inflating your tires instead of buying gas.

[Think Progress]

Presumptive Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama is running around promising theocratic hooligans that he’ll not only continue to throw money at corrupt horrors like the Office of Faith Based Initiatives but expand the Jesus-crazy nonsense in ways that will only accelerate the descent of the United States into a dark-ages dystopia ruled by superstition, fear and hate.

The stupid fucking guy showed up in Zanesville, Ohio today and gave a speech promising to build a larger complex of Jesus programs than Caligutard’s that will be tended to by larger numbers of Jesus crazies in the Federal government - at a time when any serious candidate with a commitment to a secular government would be addressing the terror of Jesusfied federal civil and military administrations.

Read the rest of this entry »

Google Trends data is playing an important role in a pornography case down in Pensacola Florida.  Defense attorneys for a “pornographic Web site operator” argue that the man is not violating community standards because more people in the community search for orgies than search for acceptable things such as apple pies or watermelons.  Of course, most people aren’t going to go the internet when looking for an apple pie, but whatever.  Anyway, if ths works, I’m going to go from computer to computer, making sure that there are enough searches in my town to make My Little Pony reenactment porn more acceptable than knitting.  I think Google data should be used for all government functions.  Forget voting, Obama wins 3 to 1 over McCain.  Need to go to war?  “Attack Iran” destroys “Attack Syria.”  Let’s roll. 

[New York Times]

The Department of Justice is investigating the award of a $1.2 million Department of Jesus grant that would have produced hundreds of thousands in fees for a tiny consulting firm headed up by Lisa Trevino Cummins [left], BushCo capo and the lady who used to pretend to give a shit about Hispanic people for the Department of Jesus.

Shockingly, the Department of Jesus in its short lifespan has been turned into a revolving door whorehouse that is even nastier and faster than Pentagon. The Jesus crazies are appointed, make a few friends, leave, form companies and then cash in on millions in contracts doing stuff ah, for, ah Jesus and shit.

Read the rest of this entry »

From PFLAG, news of yet another asshole who can’t wrap his mind around the fact that someone might like fucking someone other than his particular wife. This is Ohio legislator Jeff Wagner, who hates gay people so much that he emailed a constituent about an anti-discrimination bill the following (poorly written screed):

The bill is not really about people being denied rights to basic needs, but it is about promoting acceptance of an immoral lifestyle. As much as some people would have us to believe otherwise, this country was founded on Christian principles. One of those long honored principles is the tradition of holy matrimony. One man and one woman joined together in a union that goes as far back as Adam and Eve. As our society has gotten further from that standard (not just homosexuality, but easy divorce, cheating on a spouse, etc.) we see a continued collapse of the basic building block of society the family unit. As that traditional family erodes, we see more sexually transmitted diseases, kids without parents, heartbroken people and I believe a host of mental and physical illnesses. . . . rest assured I can not support a bill in any way promotes or encourages the homosexual lifestyle.

That’s right, being gay means that you, like, automatically get an STD and mental illness!! That’s definitive proof that they don’t deserve equal protection under the law.

Countdown to the exposure of Rep Wagner’s homosexual-, love-child-having, wife-swapping, dildo-and-wetsuit utilizing lifestyle in three…two…

Meet Jeff Wagner [PFLAG]

So, there’s this lady running for President of the United States? You might have heard? And she says she’s a Democrat, but, this week, she’s spent her time advocating a big tax cut that can’t help but have negative repercussions on the economy, the environment, transportation spending, the budget deficit and our country’s oil dependence. Her response to the economists and environmentalists that have been unable to come up with any reason to support it?

I’m not going to put my lot in with economists. If we actually did it right, if we had a president who used all the tools of the presidency, we would design it in such a way that it would be implemented effectively.

Oh, ok, then! Gosh, I don’t think we’ve ever had a Presidential candidate, or a President, who eschewed the advice of experts before! And especially not when it comes to tax cuts! That’s so original! And, really, if she just designed her tax cut right, it’ll all come up roses! Also, I mean, obviously, it’s just because the economists are out of touch:

On so many of these issues where costs have gone up, where people are really feeling squeezed, there just doesn’t seem to be an understanding about what people go through

Ah, yes, the multimillionaire lifetime political wife/politician who is driven around by drivers and rarely pays for gas herself knows way more about what the common people go through than a bunch of ivory-tower university economists making academic salaries and commuting to their university campuses in their ten year old cars who think that there could be — imagine that — negative consequences to a tax cut proposed by a politician pandering to a certain section of the electorate in order to win an election. Gosh, I don’t know why I’m having this sense of déjà vu.

Clinton: I’m not listening to economists on gas tax holiday [CNN]

You may have heard, Hillary and Cap’n Crappypants have called for a summer suspension of the gasoline tax, and Obama has told us driver-types to get bent. Normally, I’m all for a tax cut, even if it’s only 18.4 cents on every gallon of $3.70/gallon gas I buy for my 2001 Corolla that I fill up every 2 weeks or so — for $1.84 savings per fill-up. If you figure that I’ll drive home maybe once in that time (3 gallons), a 13 week gas tax holiday would save me, at most, approximately $18. But, $18 is $18, right? Read the rest of this entry »

Cynics, put down your politics for a second! Big news!

I want to direct your attention to the newly launched intelligentpeople.com, a dating website for only the best and brightest. To become a member, you must first take their online IQ test and score within the top 15% of the population. Once you pass the test (or cheat your way through) you can create a dating profile and post those fake hottie photos of “yourself”.

Intelligentpeople.com is much more than just a cheesy niche dating site, I’m afraid. It is in fact the harbinger of a new wave of eugenics, that evil EvolutionistNazi practice that Ben Stein has been trying to warn us all about in his new film, Expelled. Soon eugenics fever will sweep the nation! Starting today, the intelligent will be exclusively dating smarties, leaving the rest of you lumbering oafs to mate with your fellow half-wits while reading The Cynics’ Party.

You can guess the rest from here. Splitting of the human race, humans being hunted for sport, more terrible “red state, blue state” jokes. Grisly stuff. Why oh why did we not heed Ben Stein’s brilliant documentary, Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed?! In theaters now.

There’s a long, proud history in France of Presidents being elitist pricks out of touch with the workaday Frenchman, and, apparently, the French actually like it that way. Nickie, though, is considered too déclassé as a President to be loved by the culturally elite cheese-eating surrender monkeys, which is why he gets called names like President Bling-Bling and Sarko l’Américain — because all Americans are déclassé and all French political writers lack the ability to come up with funny nicknames.

The one thing the French and I agree on is that Nickie’s got the prick part down — not that I’m still bitter about our parting or anything. On the culture thing, though… no, wait, I think I might agree with the French elitist-rimjobbers on that, too. According to the New York Times, Nickie likes Celine Dion and Lionel Ritchie. Girl, it’s not him I’m looking for.

Anyway, so, apparently my crush that I am now TOTALLY OVER was on a dude with shit taste in music and a penchant for tacky women who’s also kind of a prick. How did that not work out?

A Lowbrow in High Office Ruffles France [NY Times]

Did you guys know we get not one, but two Islamofascism Awareness Weeks every year? If you haven’t been celebrating, you’d better hurry, because we’re already halfway through this one. I like to celebrate by donating money to the madrassa where Barry Hussein learned cryptoIslamofascism as a youth. Anyway, the event is brought to campuses by the David Horowitz Freedom Center, and seems to do a pretty good job of equating Islamofascism with Islam. This week, the intent is:

1) To highlight the genocidal agendas of the Islamo-fascist crusade; and 2) To make the public aware of the “soft jihad” – the domestic networks that fund and provide political support for the agendas of the jihad, including its armies of terror.

Apparently, Islamofascism is catching, since its adherents have absorbed the “Nazi-virus of Jew hatred.” This must be why some of our troops come home hating America (see Iraq Veterans Against the War) Read the rest of this entry »