Archive for "Morning Sedition"
The War on Boomers
As we were about to say last Sunday before we got tired of sounding like an oracle and spiked the post, this might be the most critical week of the election: the week the caricatures settle in.
Events overtook our discussion anyway. Who cares what Sarah told Charlie? That’s a pre-9/15 attitude in a post-9/15 world. The past keeps disappearing at an alarming rate this season, and we’re sure something will happen this afternoon that makes us forget this morning. And whatever it is, Geezer will promise to reform that too, just after he tells us not worry about it.
But despite our admonition to not pay attention, we do peek at polls occasionally, especially if they promise to enlighten us beyond who leads among 1,100 adults stupid enough to answer the phone.
Even if takes — let’s see — seven grafs to find what we’re looking for.
Miss a Day, All Hell Breaks Loose
So, while we were bravely rescuing CP commenters from being cast adrift on an ice floe, apparently Geezer said the economy is sound, and then he didn’t, which was before or after he pulled a Gore and claimed squatter’s rights on the Crackberry, but definitely before Failed HP CEO Carly Fiorina said he doesn’t have the cojones to run a Fortune 500 company, while we discovered that Talibunny lurves them tanning beds, which makes the odds of Geezer croaking first from skin cancer less certain.
Oh, and Nader’s talking to parrots.
We give up. Just throw the election into a blender and we’ll check back later.
CP Commenter Strike Enters Second Day
Sure, we could blame it on a malfunctioning database, but who are we kidding: It’s you, taking your vengeance on our groundbreaking series of posts, “Sarah Palin: Get Over Yourselves, She Can’t Be That Bad.” You’re dumbstruck by our sudden advocacy of plucky personality politics, and rather than comment, you’re acting like a sulky bunch of goth kids.
Well, fine. Until you grow up enough to treat us with some level of respect and deference, we’ll just leave the comments broken, and you can spend the day with the whiners at Kos and TPM. Then you’ll come back on your knees, begging us to fix the comments, and maybe we will if your anguish pleases us.
And maybe we will anyway. Soon as we figure out how.
We Interrupt This Campaign for a Financial Meltdown
Fannie and Freddie? So last week. Yesterday it was Lehman Brothers going down, Merrill Lynch being sucked up by Bank of America, and AIG holding a $40 billion gun to the head of the Fed.
That would be AIG, “the nation’s largest insurer”, collapsing by Wednesday if its credit rating slips a notch this morning.
And all because you — yes, you — took out an exploding mortgage to pay for your exploding credit-card debt to cover your exploding student loans to get into a good college so you could enjoy financial freedom for the rest of your life.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
A Chaotic Sunday Opens Wall Street’s Week [WSJ]
Gradually We Became Aware of a Hum in the Room
One of the tricks to surviving the next couple of months is to not pay attention.
And by that we mean: Don’t twitch like a goddam exposed nerve at every development.
To put it politely.
We sat out Lipstickgate, for example, because Kindie Porn already established that John McCain was willing to lose his integrity to win an election. No point tossing our soda over subsequent installments. (Unless they’re really good, of course. But Kindie Porn sets a high standard in low politics.)
When Demagogues Attack
Back in our distant childhood, Joe McCarthy was even more distant, someone you would see, if at all, in a scratchy kinescope clip. He was as quaint as a war movie, as irrelevant as the Andrews Sisters.
We knew about “McCarthyism” long before we knew about McCarthy. The word, if not the man, was relevant in the political climate of our youth. It was used with derision. It was something to avoid. It was the L Word of its day.
Joe came to mind as we were contemplating Barry’s response to McCain’s Rovian attack ads. It seems a tepid response at first, not at all what’s required. It’s not angry.
I don’t care what they say about me, but I love this country too much to let them take over another election with lies and phony outrage and swift-boat politics. Enough is enough.
The Madness of Crowds
No, we’re not talking about the idiots cheering on a teleprompter jockey because they’ve suddenly become fans of Lifetime biopics. We’re talking about the people who fear those idiots.
We’re talking about, as a Kos commenter aptly described it, Palin Panic Anxiety.
Word to the wise: Take a long, slow, deep breath. Repeat all week, if necessary.
And now, let’s address the facts:
Madden Electoral College ’08
We felt a disturbance in the Force upon the release of the latest polls Monday, but before everyone rushes off to their favorite Tatooine dive bar to drink themselves into oblivion while the world blows up, a note of caution:
National polls don’t mean shit.
Sure, they’re amusing, and fun to chatter about when we’re not trash-talking Talibunny, but after our civics lesson in 2000 — Al Gore won the popular vote, in case you haven’t heard — we should be well aware of the Dead Hands of the Founders upon our electoral system.
Famous Blogger Answers Your Questions
Q. Are you a liberal partisan hate rag?
A. No. We hate all idiots equally.
Q. Why are you using a derogatory term against women?
A. You mean “cunt” and “trollop”? You must have us confused with Maverick McCain.
Oh, pussy. Right. Actually, “you’re a pussy” is a common expression accusing someone of lacking courage, especially in an athletic context such as hockey games. But if you’d like, John McCain is a dick. Fair’s fair.
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