As we have seen time and time again this election season, SurveyUSA has been the most reliable of pollsters. When shit-for-brains polling firms like Zogby and Rasmussen dropped the ball on the California primary, the hero pollsters at SUSA saved the day and projected a Clinton victory. Basically these guys have been spot on all season.

As such, I am pleased as punch to announce a new survey by the poll-kings at SUSA. They’re reporting that 6 percent of Americans have been victims of a rick roll. Only 6 percent? That’s disappointing. Even worse, it seems that the elderly have been disproportionately affected; a mere 3 percent of our nation’s seniors have been rick rolled. If you factor in the margin of error, that number could drop to negative .2 percent of old folks!

Why are these numbers so low? What can we do as a nation to spread the word? Should we get the old Band Aid groups that brought us “We Are The World” and “Do They Know It’s Christmas” back together?

Should we be emailing gram-gram and pop-pop to get the message out, or is this fad too intensive for the elderly? Does it give them seizures like Gnarls Barkley’s Run? Are those 3 percent actually the survivors?

What are King Barry and Lady President’s plans to address this critical issue?

All these questions and more answered after the jump.

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Part of the reason I love George Bush is his strength to stand by his beliefs in the face of so much adversity. In that way, he’s like Gandhi or Martin Luther King Jr., except with more killing. So, I’m sure he won’t be bothered by this History News Network poll of 109 leading historians, where 61% of respondents classify him as the worst president ever, and 96% put him in the bottom 10. While Bush has repeatedly said that history will be the judge of his presidency, I don’t think he meant it in this way. The 107 poll respondents who classified Bush’s presidency as a failure are just eggheaded liberal academics who also believe in things like evolution, geology, and “the Constitution.” So, fuck it. The real story here is that there are 2 leading historians who think Bush’s presidency has been a success, but of course, the liberal media covers the negatives.

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Recent polls suggest that Barry might take more Republicans from McCain than Hillary would, but that he would also lose more blue collar Democrats to McCain than she would. This is what we get for expanding voting rights beyond the landed gentry back in the olden times. For this reason, Ron Brownstein concludes that the talk of an Obama-Clinton ticket will continue, and that the next several contests will change nothing, I conclude that you might as well vote for fucking Nader.

Fucking Nader.

Wider Net, Leakier Boat [National Journal]