When they aren’t out, respectively, soliciting adulterous, anonymous gay sex in public bathrooms, adulterously fucking hookers and forcing them to participate in unholy sexual perversions, Senators Larry Craig and David Vitter are protecting the American institution of marriage.

Again, Republicans are taking a stand for normalcy in a nation besieged by wanton perversion and relentless self-indulgence. Thank God, these heroes of the hour are not afraid to stand up to weirdness.

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Barack Obama’s on the view today. Rundown: the ladies think he’s teh sexee, he puts his arm about Joy Behar and well, I sort of missed the rest of it after that what with the fantasizing — for the first time in my life — that I was Joy Behar. Excuse me, I’ll be back in a bit.

[Via HuffPo]

Republican Louisiana Senator and Whoremonger David Vitter does not think his situation is at all comparative to the situation faced by Democratic Governor and Whoremonger Eliot Spitzer. For one, Spitzer fucked relatively hot chicks and preferred not to use condoms, and Vitter likes to have (what one assumes are) less attractive hookers change his poopy diapers and then fuck him. Um, also, um, well, Vitter’s whoremongering should not in any way force him to resign in the Senate. Vitter’s reasoning?

“Anybody who looks at the two cases will see that there is an enormous difference between the two of them. The people that are trying to draw comparisons to the two cases are people who’ve never agreed with me on important issues like immigration and other things.”

Um, obviously. It’s just a smear by us liberals that getting caught FUCKING PROSTITUTES means you should stop pretending to be the moral arbiter of anything and slink home to your parents’ basement and out of the public spotlight.

Sen. Vitter Resents Comparisons with Ex-Gov. Spitzer [Washington Post]

Senator Larry Craig is looking for summer interns. I’m guessing I wouldn’t make that, um, short list. Fuck, the jokes write themselves. Abortions for some and blow jobs for all! Larry needs some help with his really big stick! Don’t mess around with big green sticks! Danny Boy here has all the “qualifications” Larry’s looking for!
Also, I’m betting Harry Potter does indeed have a really fine ass. If you Google search for Daniel Radcliffe with your Safe Search function off, well, you can feel as dirty as I do right now.

This is a video of French President Nicolas Sarkozy in some receiving line in Paris. Not that my French doesn’t suck but, at the end there, it’s some lame ass motherfucker who stood in a receiving line just to call my Nicky a prick. Nicky’s all like, then, what the fuck are you waiting in line for, asshole? Right on, Nicky! Fuck that guy. [Fox News]

Having already written once about how everything Vicki Iseman and McCain are openly accused of doing (as opposed to rumored to have done IN BED) is really just business-as-usual in Washington, I don’t really feel like repeating it. Actually, if they were boning that would be pretty common in Washington, too, but whatevs. Yawn. People cheat on their spouses! News at 11!

Anyway, having already said it’s business as usual, it turns out McCain totally agreed with me… and not just when he was defending himself this week. When he was deposed as part of Senator Mitch McConnell’s lawsuit against the McCain-Feingold campaign finance reform bill, he agreed that meeting with Lowell Paxson and flying on his corporate jet with or without Vicki Iseman and taking his campaign contributions and writing the letter asking the FCC to vote on the station acquisition was business as usual… and that it looked kind of shady. Oh, um, oops. I mean, not that any of that stuff was actually eliminated under McCain-Feingold, or even under the more recent lobbying reform bill (though, they are supposed to pay something closer to the actual value of the corporate jet ticket), but, you know, it looks shady, which is why most Congress Members and Senators don’t like it out there that they do it ALL THE TIME.

Oh, and they might’ve boned. Which is the only reason the story got written in the first place.

A Hole in McCain’s Defense? [Newsweek]

U.S. Bankruptcy Court Judge Robert Somma (a Boston resident) was picked up on a DUI charge in New Hampshire earlier this month, and resigned today. He didn’t resign because he was drinking and driving, but because he was driving away from a gay bar after having been drinking while wearing a cocktail dress, fishnet stockings and high heels. The arresting officer knew he was drunk because Judge Somma had difficulty removing his drivers license from his wallet that he was, naturally, carrying in his purse.

Per our friend SanFranLefty, who sent us the story from AboveTheLaw, “I wish there were photos so we could critique the ensemble and the shoes. Fishnets are pretty daring, given the winter snow in New Hampshire” Sadly for us, Somma’s mug shot was only from the neck up, but some things can luckily be improvised.

Federal judge guilty in Manchester DWI [Manchester Union-Leader]
Arrested judge wore dress, women’s hosiery [Manchester Union-Leader]

If you didn’t see it, you missed a funny little footnote in campaign ‘08 history. Romney was conciliatory, did fine, whatever. McCain rambled as though he had not given a moments though to what he was going to say. Then, they took only two questions, because they quickly realized that the only thing the reporters wanted to know was, “Uh, but don’t you guys hate eachother?” Another great moment came right after the first (and second to last) question was asked. Romney answered it and then moved on. McCain had to break in to get a chance to speak on the question also. Oh, yeah. Him. Great dynamic, guys! We can’t wait to see you take your comedy act on the road!

Housefraus all over the Midwest got a shock this morning when Jane Fonda let slip a naughty word on The Today Show.

Jane, Jane, Jane. I realize you are being forced to talk to Meredith Vieira, but still. Try to show a little restraint.

Jane Fonda Uses Vulgar Slang on ‘Today’ [Chicago Tribune]

A hearty Cynics salute tonight goes out to Judges Thomas Morrow Reavley and Edward Charles Prado of the U. S. Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit (in Texas) who Tuesday published a brilliant and prescient opinion that ought, by all rights, propel them to the Supreme Court. The gentlemen in question decided that the Texas law that criminalizes the sale or promotion of sex toys in the state of Texas is violative of the 14th Amendment right to privacy enshrined in our great Constitution.

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