TSA stormtroopers are running wild again - this time reportedly at the Chicago airports where these twisted dimwits ripped the pants off of a wheelchair-bound old man and groped a teenage amputee traveling with a choir.

One of the victims recalls a deranged TSA agent cackling, “I have power!” over and over again in wanton rapture as she orgasmed in twisted satisfaction while terrorizing him. Read the whole sick story at CBS2-Chicago’s web site.

CBS2-Chicago Bags TSA Nazis Run Wild

The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is pursuing the development of a stun bracelet that will be worn by all airline passengers to shock, torture and incapacitate them whenever it is entertaining to the drooling TSA fuckwits you already have to contend with grabbing your genitals at the pre-flight security checkpoints in US airports.

Right, it is so fucking obscene that even the fascist Moonie paper of record, The Washington Times, finds the concept offensive. Skeletor’s [left] research supremos are just thrilled at the horror that this piece of fascistech would unleash upon the US population: it would track you from the moment it is latched over your wrist, until you disembark at your destination - and at any moment could be use to shock you into a prostrate, quivering ball of howling, agonized flesh, begging to die while passengers circle around and sing America, the Beautiful.

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Not only are the raging, slackjawed criminal goons at the TSA now in charge of an ID program to credential people so they can be allowed near a ship or a pier, they’re using it to randomly brand students as terrorists at large - records which will go into permanent files that no one can see or ask to inspect without being branded an enemy combatant and bayoneted to death on the spot.

Already a batch of kids have been branded terrorists at large by the drooling goons at TSA and, to their peril, they’re pushing back. To go near piers and boats, starting this October you will need a Transportation Worker Identification Credential, a Naziffic-sounding piece of fucking fascist identity instrumentation.

Although the TSA is beating up hapless foreign students now, soon we’ll all be forced to beg for one of these credentials if we want to take the ferry to work. They’re only $132. A bargain at twice the price. Offer to lick the TSA agent’s genitals or hand him $500, and it might take less than a year to process.

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Osama bin Laden’s new track dropped this week to near-universal hatred, sorta like Britney’s Gimme More. OBL wants the world to know that the European support for the war in Afghanistan and especially their willingness to tolerate stupid shit like free speech “is the greater and more serious tragedy, and the reckoning for it will be more severe,” than, say, the U.S. war in Iraq or whatever bullshit reason His Batshit Craziness decided was worth fucking attacking the U.S. over back in 2001. He points out that Muslims are better people than us Christoatheist scum because they didn’t mock Jesus in retaliation, not that anyone would FUCKING CARE and, hello, can he really not get South Park on his satellite connection in the Pakistani wilderness? Also, that Saudi king guy he hates that he, like, would actually prefer to be overthrowing could’ve totally stopped the Danish from publishing their hate-cartoons if he really wanted because the Danish totally give a shit.

Yeah, all that plus I really wanted to mock up this picture. Hang him by the boys, boys!

Purported bin Laden message condemns Europe [CNN]

First the Dear Leader flies all the bin Ladens out of the country right after 9/11, and now this:

Newly-released records obtained through a Freedom of Information Act request contradict the 9/11 Commission’s report on the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks and raise fresh questions about the role of Saudi government officials in connection to the hijackers.  

…

“In the official version of the story now, the hijackers drift around L.A. listlessly for two weeks before chancing to come across [an employee of a Saudi defense contractor, Omar al] Bayoumi in a restaurant [according to Bayoumi's account],” Thompson added. “Whereupon he’s an incredible good Samaritan and takes them down to San Diego, pays their rent, etc.”

“But from the FBI’s timeline, we now know the hijackers started staying at Bayoumi’s place on Jan. 15 - the very same day they arrived,” Thompson says. “So obviously they must have been met at the airport and taken care of from their very first hours in the US. That’s huge because the FBI maintains to this day that the hijackers never had any accomplices in the US.”

More Bush administration hijinks after the jump.

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The Department of Homeland Security is now scaring us with the image of female suicide bombers hiding their explosives in fake pregnant bellies. While this is a great idea for a sequel to Juno, it also scares me, even more than actual pregnant women do. There’s nothing worse than putting your hand on a pregnant woman’s belly to feel the baby kick, and getting exploded for your reverence in the face of life’s most miraculous miracle. Maybe we’ll start seeing male suicide bombers with similar prosthetics, faking beer bellies, humpbacks, and goiters. Actually, these prosthetics could lead to some hilarious opportunities for profiling. I can’t wait to see the lineups at the airport.

This video that I posted over at Gridskipper shows a Colombian eccentric who roams the streets of Bogota dressed as Al Qaeda boss Osama Bin Laden. The man gets by on tips from stores and restaurant owners who are willing to pay for his “security” services. The Fauxsama claims his beard, bathrobe, and rocket launcher are all part of a very special community policing strategy. Forgive me for the shameless plugging, but I couldn’t bear to see you guys continue to go without a new post to comment on. Also, this is just about the greatest clip of all time.

Osama Bin Laden to the Rescue! [Gridskipper] via [Reuters]