Over 1300 of the most terrifying people we could ever imagine responded to a Right Wing News poll to indicate overwleming their preference for Sarah Palin as the GOP presidential nominee in 2012. We couldn’t agree more.

Poll Results: Which Of The Following Candidates Would You Like To See The GOP Run In 2012? [Right Wing News]

We’re all pretty ready for President Barry Hussein to take the helm and steer this boat back to open waters. But not everybody’s as stoked as we are. A friend of mine reported to me the other day that her father, who owns a Texas construction company, said that Nov. 4 was “the worst day in American history,” and that he was going to close down his business. And this morning Senator Kyl gave Barry a stern warning when it comes to nominating judges: don’t even fucking try it. Kyl expressed his outrage for Barry’s taste for reasonable construction this way:

“He believes in justices that have empathy,” said Kyl, speaking at a Federalist Society meeting in Phoenix. The attorneys group promotes conservative legal principles.

Empathy! Can you even fucking imagine?

Kyl went onto explain that the GOP will filibuster any nominations of jurists too liberal for Republican tastes. Since a filibuster takes 41 votes, we just want to be the first to say Good Luck.

Kyl issues warning to Obama on Supreme Court appointments [Triangle Business Journal]

New York Governor Eliot Spitzer (D) held a news conference this afternoon to explain his involvement with a ring of expensive call girls.  “It’s the water” said Spitzer (aka “Client 9″).  “Look, I drink a lot of tap water - don’t even use a Brita.  All those drugs they found in the water must have done something to my memory, my judgment.  I don’t recall doing any of those women.”

Emperor’s Club employees Bubbles, Candy, and Suzeeee did not immediately return phone calls seeking their comments.

Tucker Carlson, MSNBS’s pedigreed fascist in residence, has been cashed out by the network, mercifully before the run-up to the general elections in which his insights and observations would in a full-length show embarrass the average 7th grader and, of course, the network. Word is leaking out of the Peacock Network that while Carlson’s evening show, Tucker, will be canceled, the network will keep him on for comic relief and neo-Nazi sound effects.

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The Faces of the New Democratic Party

The Democratic Party is trending younger, more Hispanic, blacker, more female, and more affluent. Now where are all the middle-class middle-aged white men going to go?

But really, is our country prepared for this assault on the fragile minority of middle class white men? Should we be worried about losing the group which has done so much to found our country, drive the consumer economy, play and watch hockey, and oppress other interests? As a white man, I say yes! If I can’t stay white and proud, I’ll have to find a new way to belong to this Diversocratic Party. I’m going to have to go racial by taking the pigment that was extracted from Michael Jackson and injecting it into my own skin. I guess I could try to get richer, but that might involve applying myself. No. If I want to keep my white power, I’ll have to take the easy way out and use my free time for railing against the minorities that are endangering my way of life. Thank God we’ve got the Republicans. Is Ron Paul still running?

A Party Transformed [The National Journal]